


We Can Build a New Tomorrow

by secretreaction



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-20
Updated: 2015-09-20
Packaged: 2018-04-22 13:37:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 39,155
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4837217
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/secretreaction/pseuds/secretreaction
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Baekhyun moves to Busan to run away from his broken heart and find a perfect boyfriend, but life gives him more than he could ever ask for in the form of a bookstore keeper.</p>
            </blockquote>





	We Can Build a New Tomorrow

**Author's Note:**

> Big thanks to my amazing beta Cherrypie for advice, comments, nice words and help with plotting; to Olga and Gomili for listening to me whine all the time and to Berry for giving me ridiculous ideas. I wouldn't have made it without you.
> 
> Originally written for baeksuthefuture 2015.

_~Official list of qualities of Baekhyun's next Perfect Boyfriend~_  
_1) Broad shoulders. THIS IS A MUST._  
_2) A few ~~thirty~~ more centimeters wouldn't hurt. no more midgets ~~like myself~~ _  
_3) Must not kick me when I try to kiss him because it's ~~fucking~~ kinda unfair _  
_4) Actually appreciates my attempts at being sexy and doesn't laugh at me for it_  
_5) Emerges out of the house more often than once a week AND leaving to work or to buy groceries doesn't count okay_  
_6) Doesn't shout at me when I poke him and demand his attention because----_  
_7) ~~What the fuck is this shitty music I'm torturing myself with~~ _

Baekhyun changes the radio station to a jazz one and insignificantly lowers the volume as he pulls over on the highway and heads into the city. He's been listening to the latest hit chart for the past few hours while driving to Busan and he's pretty sure he's caught up with Korean trends in music just enough to have officially got out of his cave. It isn't anything else but another form of escape and taking his mind off the things he'd rather forget; things meant to be hidden deep in his memory, hardly visible under the thick layer of new experiences he's awaiting. He's left everyone and everything behind, which, theoretically speaking, should be quite helpful in starting a new life from scratch. No one knows him here, which is both scary and oddly calming at the same time. He's flipped through enough pages to find a blank one with a thrilling amount of space to write on.

He can't let his attempts at focusing on the directions let him down, because his knowledge about getting around Busan is simply at zero level. It's safe to say Baekhyun knows next to nothing about the city itself, because even though he has heard a lot about it, the true spirit of Busan and its soul still remains unknown to him. He thinks it's quite funny how all this is going to change soon. He hasn't expected the critical moment to come in the blink of an eye, long days of throwing his life into the boxes and protecting them with tape finally wrapping up in his diving deep into the heart of Busan. The cold, automatic voice of a woman is giving him directions from the navigation and is making his head throb, short and direct commands not exactly getting through to him. Once again he can't help but think about his recently least favorite topic which leads him to coming up with more and more points on the Perfect Boyfriend list.

He supposes it shouldn't be this amusing to keep finding flaws in Kyungsoo and putting them down in such way, but the end justifies the means, doesn't it?

Even though the sun has already gone down and darkness is quickly taking over the sky, the city is full of lights and it allows Baekhyun to take a look around his new home. It isn't much different from Seoul at this time of the day. Just like in the capital, Baekhyun immediately has his attention drawn to a swarm of people going up and down the streets,  not even aware of bored drivers who look at them with they have nothing better to do to fill in the time until the traffic finally moves on. He is one of them, too, but unlike the others he's not coming home to be welcomed by his wife and children.

All Baekhyun has in Busan is an apartment, a car and a job, which is quite a lot in the eyes of almost every ordinary person you could ask. He's in no place to complain and prevents himself from doing so whenever he goes too far, although he's already admitted he can't help but feel bitter about the fact the person he's treasured the most has chosen someone else over him. Each and every attempt in finding something to make up for it has fallen through and it makes Baekhyun doubt if moving to the other side of the country will help him move on. In fact there's nothing else he needs than to let go, but he keeps holding onto the thought that Kyungsoo had found someone _better_ than him and it truly forces Baekhyun to retch.

He sighs loudly and closes his eyes. He's tired, having driven for hours almost without breaks because, to his dismay, that's how much he wanted to get away from Seoul. As if it meant setting himself free from his demons, even though he knows he's carrying them with himself wherever he goes. Knowing all he does now, how could he have overlooked so many obvious hints? He wonders whether Kyungsoo had been giving him signs, but he was too oblivious to notice and involuntarily chose to ignore everything that could've possibly bugged him and made him question his relationship. Some reflexes are truly unconditional, completely subliminal, and even someone as conscious about everything like Kyungsoo might've missed it. Despite everything he's only human, just like Baekhyun. People do many things, even these against their will. They fall out of love, for example, and take their heart away from one person to give it to another. There's really no use fighting it and Baekhyun knows that, but it doesn't make his heart ache any less. It only makes him realize how powerless he is, not even able to fully control himself, let alone other people.

The neighborhood his apartment is located in mainly consists of tall, grey buildings and narrow streets with small shops placed along them, their owners focused on gaining trust of the residents of the area as well as other clients. Baekhyun liked the feeling of privacy he felt when he came here for the first time to look around his apartment, even though he knew he wouldn't stay a stranger for long after moving in. It didn't seem like a bad idea though, to belong to a community and befriend more people than his next door neighbors.

His life in Seoul had mostly revolved around Kyungsoo; it all changed the moment Kyungsoo confessed he'd fallen for someone else, someone who Baekhyun would've never suspected of hitting on his boyfriend. They'd been together for six years, but Kyungsoo seemed to think nothing of it considering how easily he'd dumped Baekhyun and crossed out everything they'd gone through together, both as friends and lovers. At least that's how Baekhyun perceived it and, truth to be told, refused to accept alternative ways.

Once Baekhyun has driven deeper into the area, he starts to recall all the details he managed to remember the last time he'd come there. Not many things had really caught his eye, but he immediately came to conclusion the surroundings were much better looked after than his neighborhood in Seoul. He thought he hadn't really cared about the litter lying on the streets and the pavements or obscene graffiti on the walls, but the buildings here turned out to be definitely more pleasant to the eye. Not that it's possible to admire the architecture at this hour, Baekhyun thinks as he shakes his head and lets out a yawn, his mind too hazy to pay attention to the road because there shouldn't really be a living soul wandering along the street and---

Except there is, and Baekhyun's back hits the seat as he abruptly stops his car right before running over a startled young man.

"I'm sorry, are you okay?" he asks the man after he's gotten out of the car, his heart almost slamming against his ribcage as the adrenaline rush keeps him dizzy. "I don't know what the hell just happened, I should've been more careful."

"I suppose." The man glances over Baekhyun's face and figure, as if trying to find the reason of his recklessness in his clothes or general presence. He's meant to fail, though, as Baekhyun is dressed neatly and casually and his hair isn't even a mess, despite all the pulling he's done during his journey to Busan. "I'm good, just... I'm surprised, since the streets here are usually pretty quiet at night. It isn't a lively neighborhood and people like you steer clear of such boring areas."

"I'm moving here tonight." Baekhyun doesn't even know why he's trying to strike up a conversation with someone he might've even killed, though it's the most pessimistic outcome possible. He didn't have enough time to examine the man's looks, though he's immediately taken a liking to the soft and gentle tone of his voice. "I've been driving all day, though I realize it's not an excuse."

"Oh." The man's face is suddenly painted with curiosity and it makes his gaze a bit friendlier; as if he crossed out a possibility of Baekhyun aimlessly messing around the tranquil neighborhood he's used to. "I guess I'll see you around?"

"Yeah, I think so too." Baekhyun scratches the back of his head and looks up at the stranger. His features are by no means sharp, nevertheless it doesn't mean they aren't distinctive; Baekhyun's gaze is drawn to the man and he kind of forgets he must be coming out as a fool in front of the stranger right now. "So, um, I..."

"Goodnight." The man smiles and it's too kind, definitely too amiable given the situation they're in. "You should be more careful."

Baekhyun's apartment building turns out to be a stone's throw from the street he was close to running over a man on. He supposes he shouldn't find the whole thing this funny, but thinking about the option of it being the first memory he would've made in Busan is making him chuckle with amusement for the rest of the drive and his way upstairs. His apartment is on the second floor, which means Baekhyun doesn't need to take an elevator at all. He's never liked the feeling that accompanies being stuck in small rooms without a chance to escape, and the fact he's had to cope with his fear at work almost every day is enough for him to decide he'll be able to do without enjoying the breathtaking views the apartments on higher floors would provide.

Minseok is probably waiting for him to drop him a line. Baekhyun promised to let him know he's all safe and sound, so he takes the phone out of his pocket and unlocks it once he sprawls himself over the couch and finds solace in the quiet and cold walls of his new place.  No missed calls, no unread texts. It isn't even surprising nor saddening anymore; most of his friends feel too old to bombard him with stupid messages and Baekhyun has automatically gone off it as well. Jongdae is the only one who's still up for texting like they used to from time to time, but he's been tied up at work recently and has apologized countless number of times. Baekhyun isn't upset, though. Not even Kyungsoo would send him good morning or goodnight texts, not to mention other trivial things like reminding him to eat lunch or take a rest when he'd known Baekhyun had a long day ahead of himself.

It has always been like that and Baekhyun has learnt not to care about it too much, but the regret and grief he hid in the back of his mind is suddenly beginning to sting.

Minseok sends him laughing emoticons in response to Baekhyun's story about the stranger and tells him to watch out next time he drives. It brings the stranger's face in front of Baekhyun's eyes again and he involuntarily relishes the echo of the man's voice he's managed to keep in his mind. Despite their meeting being in not the most favorable circumstances, Baekhyun thinks the man hasn't blacklisted him yet and if they ever meet again - which Baekhyun hopes for, even though he doesn't really admit it to himself - they'll be able to strike up a  longer conversation and become acquainted. He didn't make the best first impression he would've if they hadn't met this way, but the stranger quickly dropped the tough act and that's the glimmer of hope Baekhyun is going to cling to.

Although he has three days off before he actually has to start working in the company again, Baekhyun is drained of energy and unwilling to fight the urge to sleep. The sheets are crisp and smell like unfamiliarity, just like everything in his apartment, but Baekhyun knows it will change in the blink of an eye. Days are prone to pass by too quickly when you're busy, no matter if it's taking care of personal business or settling in a new place. Baekhyun thinks there's no use fighting it, because isn't it what exactly he's come here for?

After all, it's his chance to start from scratch. He's already decided he would make the place full of himself only, without someone else's soul being a part of the picture; as though to prove it, his heart feels a bit lighter as the weak gusts of Busan's chilly wind caress his face and gently lull him to sleep.

 

 

 

 

 

  
Baekhyun feels lost.

It's understandable. He's still in process of discovering his own neighborhood, not to mention the rest of the city, but it's that kind of unfamiliarity he's not used to. He goes out of the building and doesn't know where to go as his legs refuse to instinctively lead him to the place he's headed; of course here the same mechanism wouldn't work the way it used to. Baekhyun has lived in Seoul his whole life and knows a few areas like the back of his hand, to the point of not even having to think about the road. The same thing can't be said about his abilities of getting around Busan, or rather a lack of them. His brain hasn't switched to the Busan mode yet, not that Baekhyun has expected it to do so in two days, and he's just a little confused every time he turns to a particular direction and realizes it's a wrong one. The idea of hiring a personal guide crosses his mind once, but he gives it up and opts for experiencing the spirit of Busan first hand, no matter how many times he'll probably get lost.

He might not have enough time for sightseeing and playing tourist once the work starts, but he has an apartment to take care of: bring all his suitcases upstairs, look through the things he's taken and find the best place for them in his new home. He should've arrived earlier so that he wouldn't have to be in such hurry, but he's failed at being responsible and left everything to the last minute.

The fact that he doesn't know a living soul in Busan doesn't help. Baekhyun has always relied on his friends and would never refuse to lend someone a hand if needed, but this time he's the only person he can count on.

It isn't as easy as he thought to start over, Baekhyun decides as he parks his car in the company parking. He shouldn't feel this nervous, because he'll be working in the same position as before, but it doesn't make the experience any less terrifying. He already knows where his cubicle is. Someone ought to guide him through the company's rules and customs, too, so hypothetically speaking, he should be fine. In theory it isn't just a piece of cake and only now does Baekhyun realize how much he's overlooked while planning the new chapter in his life.

"It's been so long since we last had someone new here," says a voice, a bit hoarse, but still pleasant to listen to. "I'm Sehun. Baekhyun, am I right?"

"Yes," Baekhyun replies and, before he can stop himself, he eyes the man and immediately takes notice of the obvious height difference. Sehun is much taller than him. More handsome, too, and if it's something that comes out so quickly, then... "Nice to meet you. I don't know, take care of me or something?"

"I will," Sehun laughs and his eyes turn into a shape of crescents that remind Baekhyun of the moon. "Come with me. Your cubicle is close to mine, so you don't need to worry anymore."

Sehun guides him to the elevator and Baekhyun has a groan on the tip of his tongue, but he supposes he shouldn't appear whiny and petty on the first day, much less show such attitude to someone he's just met. Sehun's hair is black, but anyone could tell it isn't the natural color; he must've dyed it recently, because the color still looks fresh and artificial. Baekhyun thinks about his own cheap dye job and already showing, outrageous roots and suddenly feels really, really small. Not only because he has to raise his head to look at Sehun.

"My cubicle is here, next to yours, " Sehun gestures to the right, pointing at the desk with papers scattered all over the free surface and neon pink sticky notes decorating the monitor. "It isn't always this messy, I swear."

"That's okay," Baekhyun smiles at how sheepish Sehun suddenly is, remembering his own desk at the company back in Seoul. It looked even worse than Sehun's, but there was no Kyungsoo to tell him off for having a mess around himself and Baekhyun found it satisfying to, for once, be able to do what he wishes. "My desk will probably look worse than yours in a few days. I'm not exactly a neat person."

"I can say the same about myself," Sehun admits as they make their way to the coffee machine on the hall. They're the only ones on their break, as most people keep themselves busy with making calls or rapidly typing on their keyboards. "My girlfriend doesn't like it. She always makes a fuss whenever she comes over and sees I haven't cleaned yet, and eventually does it herself."

"Sneaky," Baekhyun laughs and chooses a double dose of sugar. He's always liked his coffee to be sweet and not so coffee like. Kyungsoo was, is, the exact opposite. "My ex would always be in charge of cleaning in our apartment as well."

He isn't surprised with the fact Sehun has a girlfriend, because someone as good looking as him just couldn't stay single for long. Sehun's shoulders are broad and strong; he towers over Baekhyun and doesn't let him take his eyes off the sharp jawline, straight nose and thin lips. It's a pity Sehun is taken; he fits Baekhyun's list so well Baekhyun might have started hitting on him.

He's the last person willing to come between lovers, really.

"So you're here all by himself?" Sehun asks. He takes a sip of his coffee and winces, most probably having burnt his tongue. "Do you have any family here?"

"Nope." Baekhyun is glad Sehun didn't ask about Kyungsoo and opted for the safer topic instead. Kyungsoo is still a sore spot, and it doesn't look like it's going to change anytime soon. Bringing Kyungsoo up washes Baekhyun with bitterness  and his coffee doesn't taste as sweet anymore. "I lived in Seoul before. I thought it would make me stronger if I chose a place I'm not familiar with, where no one knows me."

"Everyone has dreamt about such a getaway at least once in their life," Sehun agrees. Baekhyun is surprised someone as young as Sehun understands him so well, even though the age doesn't always have much to do with experience. "I have to go back to work. You, too, should try to start."

Baekhyun knows he should focus on his work as much as he can. He does his best to get his mind off all the mundane stuff he's been losing sleep over, but it keeps coming back and Baekhyun ends pondering on the kitchen utensils he has to buy next time he's in the city. It isn't his biggest concern, but he finds it easier to waste time on trivial things than actually sorting his life out. For now he can continue to rely on a pure luck and put off the inevitable moment of encountering all the responsibilities he's been running away from, but the merciless clock is ticking loudly in his mind, impossible to mute.

He quickly falls into his old routine he made in the company in Seoul, although there's still something bugging him, something that doesn't feel right - first of all, the computer he's using doesn't need to be yelled at every five minutes for responding too slow for Baekhyun's lack of patience. Neither does he have his favorite cup placed on the left side of the desk, cold coffee soon to disappear in the sink; he can't hear Sooyoung and Seungwan giggling and distracting him as they pass by his cubicle way too often, too.

It's the last thing he would've accused himself of, clinging to the past and routines that have practically started running in his veins by now, since it's something he'd also wanted to cut off ties with.

"I haven't signed up for this," Baekhyun whines over the phone later in the evening, sprawled on his bed with an unbuttoned shirt and unbuckled jeans, having no energy to take his clothes off. "I wasn't cut out for living alone."

"What do you expect me to say?" Minseok chuckles. Baekhyun closes his eyes and sees a face his friend has probably just made. "Just once prove you're responsible enough to take care of yourself and handle the consequences of your decisions. You can't expect everyone to deal with them for you."

"Aw, why are you so mean to me," Baekhyun groans, rolling over the bed and lying flat on his stomach. The sheets are crumpled and cold, he should've woken up five minutes earlier and made the bed. Kyungsoo would always take care of it. "One of my coworkers is incredibly hot. And taken."

"I bet there are lots of hot, single guys walking around Busan," Minseok says. "You just need to go out and make friends, but it's never been a big deal for you."

"I'm not sure if that's the case anymore," Baekhyun says. He acted with much more restraint towards Sehun today than he would've done if they'd met before Kyungsoo broke up with him. It's not how he imagined to make use of the blank page he's gained. "It's tiring. Everything at work is the same like in Seoul, but you know, not really."

"Don't lose sleep over things you'll soon get used to," Minseok has always been more rational and down to earth than Baekhyun. He would often force Baekhyun to count to ten and take a deep breath before making any decisions, which, in general, prevented Baekhyun's sanity from breaking down. "You'd better stop complaining and tell me how living in Busan is like so far."

Minseok laughs when Baekhyun tells him about neon pink plastic cups he bought in the supermarket after getting off work and it lets Baekhyun feel a bit more at ease, though talking to Minseok on phone is nothing compared to sitting on the balcony with him in the evenings. The distant voice of his friend coming out of the speaker alone isn't enough to make up for the hours they spent together. Minseok has been by Baekhyun's side for as long as Baekhyun can remember; their friendship has been constantly growing, having survived its ups and downs but never ceasing to go on.

Progress is never made without letting the past go, but Baekhyun wonders if the big step forward he's just taken won't cost him much more than he thought.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Baekhyun finishes unpacking on Saturday evening. He makes use of his assigned space in the basement and decides it's the best place for storing his suitcases, save for one he's placed on the top of the drawer - just in case he has to go somewhere for a few days.

Or, maybe, decides to leave Busan on the spur of the moment and recklessly drive back to Seoul, crawling into his shell for good.

It's hard to tell if moving to Busan was just a whim Baekhyun had given in to or a fully conscious and reasonable decision. His apartment, although more cozy and familiar now when Baekhyun's things are scattered everywhere, lacks the sense of being home when he gets off work and follows the orders his navigation gives him.

Home is where he feels free, unrestricted and at ease. Where he doesn't need to worry about anything because it's his shelter and no one can harm him here; home is where a pair of narrow and a bit flaccid shoulders encircles him from behind, soft lips plant a kiss on his nape and Kyungsoo says---

Baekhyun shakes his head and whisks these thoughts away. That isn't his home anymore; hasn't been for a while, over five months, but getting over something he's lost so abruptly is by no means a little, trivial thing one moves on from overnight.

"You look like a wet, sad puppy," Jongin greets him as Baekhyun enters the building and they almost bump into each other; Baekhyun too angry to care about anything, Jongin too lost in his thoughts to take notice of other people around. "You should've taken an umbrella."

"I don't have one," Baekhyun mutters. His hair sticks to his forehead and so do his jeans, cheeks flushed from the cold and merciless downpour. "Whatever. I would've gotten soaked anyway."

"You should get one," Jongin advises. Baekhyun knows he means well, but it only deepens his frustration and Jongin is the last person he wants to snap at. "It's only nine in the morning, don't be this grumpy."

"I'll talk to you later, Jongin," Baekhyun sighs and walks past Jongin to the nearest bathroom. "Try not to run into anyone else."

Baekhyun sneaks out of the bathroom when his hair is only a bit damp and his jeans don't stick to his legs like a second skin. He concludes he looks decent enough to enter his boss' office, explain the reason of being late and then curl up on a chair in his cubicle. The day didn't start out too well, simply because it's Monday and no one likes to face their duties the new week always brings back, but Baekhyun is certain he's already had his fair share of misfortune. 

It might've just been another coincidence, but Baekhyun suspects Busan itself is the reason of his bad luck.

"Why do you look as though you were standing under a waterfall?" Sehun asks when Baekhyun, still moping, sighs with resignation and takes a seat on his chair. "Where has your positive aura gone to?"

"It's probably still clinging to the keys to my car." Baekhyun grumbles. Getting soaked in the rain isn't a big deal, because inside the company it's warm and dry, but he lets himself complain just a little more. "I couldn't find them in the morning, so I had to take a bus. And no, I don't have an umbrella. Jongin has already advised me to buy one."

"At least you don't have to shower today," Sehun shrugs, not impressed by a glare Baekhyun's given him. "Don't look at me like that, I have a proposition for you."

"A proposition," Baekhyun repeats, cocking an eyebrow at Sehun. "I'm all ears, then. What is it?"

"First time we talked you said you didn't have any relatives nor friends here in Busan," Sehun begins, playing with a hem of his shirt. Baekhyun doesn't really focus on his words and pays attention only partially, because damn, Sehun's chest must feel amazing to lie one's head on. "...and Jongin said it was a great idea. What do you think?"

"Wait, what?" Baekhyun is snapped out of his thoughts. He's zoned out and now he has to say goodbye to a mental image of Sehun's muscled chest hidden behind an unbuttoned shirt. "Sorry, I wasn't listening."

"I asked whether you wanted to go out with us this Friday evening," Sehun repeats patiently and stares right at Baekhyun's face to make sure his thoughts are still there. Baekhyun is grateful people can't read other people's minds. "Jongin and I are going. There will be other people beside us, of course, including my girlfriend, but I thought I could help you make friends."

"Okay." It takes Baekhyun a minute or two to respond, but his words are met with a smile that washes the uncertainty away. "You're right. I haven't really talked to anyone except you and Jongin, but we work together, so..."

"Then it's settled," Sehun says, satisfied. "I'll tell you the details on Thursday or something. Now, want to grab some coffee?"

"Sure."

Jongin gives him a lift home. His car smells sweet, like flowers, and Jongin groans when Baekhyun points it out and laughs at him.

"My girlfriend likes it," Jongin says. "We take turns choosing the car fresheners."

Baekhyun nods, but doesn't get deeper into the topic and avoids sharing his own experiences. Kyungsoo always liked fresh fragrances, less suffocating than flower ones, but Baekhyun never cared. He was glad with whatever Kyungsoo chose and had in mind, but his ideas never were too extravagant for Baekhyun to disagree or turn them down.

It was one of the very few things they wouldn't usually fight about.

"Thanks," Baekhyun smiles when Jongin drops him off five minutes from his apartment building, near the local supermarket. "You're heaven sent."

"I didn't want you to end up soaked again, in case it started raining," Jongin replies. "You should look for your keys. See you tomorrow."

Baekhyun finds the keys in the pocket of the jeans he wore yesterday and, instead of cursing out loud for not having taken them out, smiles to himself.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Baekhyun taps his fingers against the steering wheel, glancing at his reflection in the rearview mirror. His bangs fall on his forehead and Baekhyun tries not to wince; he doesn't need to see more wrinkles this week and the meeting Sehun's invited him to isn't supposed to be another reason to worry, rather an opportunity to let his stress out and make some friends in a still foreign city.  
He's always liked meeting people, even though the older he gets, the more nerve wrecking it becomes. He doesn't recall the last time he chatted someone up without caring about his appearance and first impression, but he supposes it must've been back in his first year in high school. Now, he's a bundle of nerves, wondering if Sehun's friends are loaded and stiff, or if he hangs out with people much easier to approach.

Sehun doesn't look like the type to put money and social status first, but neither had Baekhyun  seemed to be dating someone as quiet as Kyungsoo.

"They're waiting inside," Sehun says when Baekhyun finally arrives, having found a place to park his car by a pure miracle. "Yoona couldn't make it, but I promise you'll meet her next time."

"You'd better bring her," Baekhyun laughs. "I've been dying to meet your precious _noona_ and here you are, telling me she can't come."

Sehun shrugs it off, but Baekhyun knows he isn't indifferent to the teasing about the age difference between him and his girlfriend. She isn't much older, five years or so, and Baekhyun kind of expected Sehun to date someone who's more experienced than he is, even though they're probably equally mature. He's meant to ask Sehun more about their relationship, how they met and started to date, but asking such questions out of the blue, not to mention at work, seemed inappropriate and Baekhyun hoped he'd become acquainted with Yoona if he brought that topic up this evening.

It needs to be put back, though, as it turns out the only people present are Sehun, Baekhyun, Jongin with his girlfriend and also coworker, Soojung, and someone whose name Baekhyun doesn't know. The man's face seems strangely familiar and, after a moment of hesitation, everything clicks.

Laughing with Jongin and holding a glass of some kind of colorful drink in his hand, there's the man Baekhyun almost ran over with his car.

Baekhyun finds it hard to believe that, out of all people in Busan, Sehun is friends with him. What if that man recognizes him, too, and shares the embarrassing story with everyone, making Baekhyun look like a careless fool with disastrous driving skills? It's not that Baekhyun has never made fun of himself in front of others to make them laugh, but he's been on edge all day and that last thing he needs is yet another reason to stress himself out.

"You know Soojung, don't you?" Sehun asks. He takes a seat next to Jongin and makes Baekhyun sit between him and the man as it's the last unoccupied chair. "She works in our company as well."

"I've seen her around," Baekhyun admits and quickly licks his bottom lip. His mouth is dry all of sudden and he really, really wants a drink. "But she isn't usually on our floor?"

"No, my floor is way higher than yours," she says and rests her cheek on her palm, elbow placed on the table. Her dark brown hair falls on her shoulders, making her face look even paler in the dim light. She's pretty; Baekhyun isn't surprised she's dating someone like Jongin. "Junmyeon is the luckiest out of us, though. Do you two know each other?"

"We met once," the man, Junmyeon, speaks up and Baekhyun could swear he even smirks, but then the sly smile is gone. "I don't think it counts, so it's safe to say it's our first official meeting."

"How did you two meet?" Sehun's eyes widen as he glances between Junmyeon and Baekhyun, trying to find answers in their faces. Junmyeon is amused, Baekhyun - embarrassed. It should tell him _a lot_. "Junmyeon hardly ever leaves his apartment if it isn't work related."

"It's not that bad, Sehunnie," Junmyeon shakes his head, a smile still playing in the corners of his lips. "I'm here now, so you might as well save those remarks for when you're out without me."

"We're always inviting you over, it's just you who doesn't want to come," Sehun's face forms into something strangely similar to a pout and Baekhyun can't believe his eyes. "How's the business going on? You haven't complained about people not reading enough books for a while."

"I've had more and more people coming to the store this month," Junmyeon says. His voice gets lost in the noise around them, other customers' laughter and shouts. Baekhyun thinks it's a shame; he's almost forgotten how smooth and calming the tone Junmyeon uses is, and he might be melting inside a little. "You should start reading too, I've found a novel you'd fall in love with, trust me."

"No, thanks. I have to read enough reports at work to make my brain explode just by looking at the letters."

Junmyeon gives up on trying to convince Sehun to take up reading and, holding a glass in his pale fingers, joins the conversation Jongin and Soojung are having. It's hard for Baekhyun to take his eyes off the man and not take notice of every small move he makes, let it be taking a sip of his drink or laughing out loud. Baekhyun wishes the man turned his attention to him, but at the same time he's afraid of coming back to their first meeting and recalling the cold stare Junmyeon gave him. Though he doesn't seem to be holding a grudge, Baekhyun isn't sure whether it's okay to chat the man up, and if it is, _how_ is he supposed to do that without coming out awkward.

"Sorry to interrupt your musings," Junmyeon's voice makes Baekhyun jump in his seat, which the other almost _giggles_ at. "But, you know, despite our first meeting not being ordinary, it's nice seeing you again. I've been wondering how are you doing."

"Accommodating to the city and breaking old habits," Baekhyun replies. He gives the rest a quick glance; Sehun is quietly conversing with Jongin, whose shoulder is being occupied with half asleep Soojung as her head rests on it. "Sorry for not being careful last time. I usually don't allow myself to lose focus while driving."

"Do you work with Sehun and Jongin?" Junmyeon asks, instead of continuing the topic. Baekhyun must have looked uncomfortable enough. "We've known each other for years."

"Yeah, we're all on the same floor," Baekhyun shrugs. He wishes Jongin's cubicle was a bit closer to his. "Childhood friends?"

"Yes," Junmyeon nods. His cheeks are flushed and it doesn't go unnoticed despite the weak lights in the corner of the bar they're at. "They're younger than me, but I never thought of it as a barrier at befriending them."

"How old are you?" Baekhyun asks. If he's considered straightforward when sober, after a few drinks it's pure bluntness.

"Turning twenty nine soon," Junmyeon scowls a bit and raises the glass to finish his drink in one go. "I'm old."

"Hey, don't insult me," Baekhyun elbows Junmyeon before his brain even registers the bold action and immediately withdraws his arm, clearing his throat. "I'm only a year younger."

Maybe it's the alcohol both of them have been drinking all night, but Junmyeon turns out fun to talk to and not as intimidating as Baekhyun was sure he is. After breaking the ice, which Baekhyun imagined would be more difficult, their conversation starts to go smoothly. They're definitely warming up to each other, talking mostly about work and telling random anecdotes hidden in the back of their minds, under a thick layer of dust swept away by alcohol.

Baekhyun soon forgets about everything that's been bothering him and the fact he's alone here. He can't just drop in on Minseok to ask him for advice, and, maybe, he's been running away from something he's carrying with himself, no matter where he goes.

Jongin gives Baekhyun a lift home. He's forgotten he left his car in the area and shouldn't drink, but Jongin assures him there's no need to worry, since it's always been fairly quiet and safe there. (Not that Baekhyun paid much attention to his words, too drunk to care about his image and appearance, much less a car.) Going home is just like a blurry image of trying not to trip over his legs and stumbling to open the door, the key showing reluctance in cooperating. Taking off his clothes seems like eternity; Baekhyun curses himself for having lost control, but he doesn't have any regrets.

Falling asleep with Junmyeon's voice echoing in his head is definitely worth it.

 

 

 

 

 

 

"I'm not drinking with you ever again."

Sehun laughs, covering his mouth with his hand and his eyes turn into crescents again. Baekhyun's own eyes narrow as he waits for Sehun to stop.

"But you weren't drinking with _me_ ," Sehun says mischievously, crossing his arms on his chest. His shirt is ironed, white with grey collar. Formal clothes suit Sehun, Baekhyun thinks. He finds great joy in the fact they have to dress formally to work and Sehun happens to have his cubicle right next to Baekhyun. "Every time I wanted to drag you into our conversation, you were busy laughing at Junmyeon's lame jokes."

"They weren't lame." They were, but Baekhyun has a reputation to uphold. "Also, I was drunk, just like you pointed out. Drunk people laugh at everything."

"Whatever helps you sleep at night," Sehun shrugs. He stretches his arms above his head and his wrists pop, but Baekhyun's already gotten used to it. "I went to Yoona's parents' yesterday. It was a torture."

"Are they really that bad?" Baekhyun asks, scrolling down the posts on his Facebook wall. He remembers the first time he went with Kyungsoo to his parents’ a few weeks after they became a couple; a memory not worth remembering, because Baekhyun usually gets rid of everything that makes him upset. "Did you meet them before?"

"Yes, we've known each other for a while," Sehun says and stops for a moment, gathering his thoughts. "It's not that they don't like me, I think? It's more about the fact that... You know, they'd rather have their daughter date someone older than her."

"So that's the catch," Baekhyun licks his lips. He doesn't know what kind of advice he should give Sehun, not having been in such position before. He's had other problems to face, even though they were all related to acceptance, too. "I mean, it would be weird if you were eighteen and she was twenty three, but that's not the case."

"No need to say that to me," Sehun sighs. Something's bothering him and it must be serious if even someone as inattentive as Baekhyun can see it. "I'm going to find Jongin."

Baekhyun watches Sehun's figure disappear in the maze of cubicles and people walking around the floor. Even if he wants to comfort Sehun and show more support, he knows there are better, much more reliable people whom Sehun can confide in. They've practically just met and there's no reason for Sehun to open up in front of him, despite giving some basic but private information about himself.

Sehun isn't as straightforward as Baekhyun is. He doesn't let people get too much out of his words and behavior, and Baekhyun has always been easy to read.

Saturday welcomed hungover Baekhyun with a headache and rain. He doesn’t go to fetch his car until late evening, having taken his time to get rid of the throbbing pain in his head and eat everything he managed to find in the fridge. He's almost gotten used to doing grocery shopping by himself, although pushing the cart along the aisles would always remind him of his and Kyungsoo's Sunday grocery shopping. He was usually the one responsible for not losing the cart, meanwhile Kyungsoo kept throwing the food into it, not even asking Baekhyun for his opinion. Kyungsoo knew what Baekhyun liked to eat. He never forgot to include it on the shopping list, which he'd already learnt by heart a few months after they'd moved in together. It was one of the unbreakable routines they'd developed over the years of their relationship; Baekhyun found it boring, but Kyungsoo liked stability and it was the most important for Baekhyun to make Kyungsoo feel safe.

At some point, he must've made a mistake.

 

 

 

 

 

 

"Remember that man I almost killed?" Baekhyun says, phone stuck between the pillow and his ear. Today's work has made him too tired to hold it and besides, that way he gets to close his eyes and stay half asleep when it's Minseok’s turn to talk.  " _Killed_. Ran over with my car. Same thing."

"What about him?" Minseok asks curiously, but Baekhyun knows there's teasing to expect. "Have you actually killed him this time?"

"Yeah," Baekhyun mumbles. Summer is just round the corner, but his toes are cold. It's distracting. "No, I mean, Sehun invited me for drinks this Friday and he was there too, that man, you see, and he's actually... Nice. And funny, but his jokes are lame."

"No wonder you two are getting along in this case," Minseok laughs. If he was sitting next to Baekhyun, Baekhyun would hit him with a pillow. Instead, he's more than 300 kilometers away. "Did you ask for his phone number?"

"No." Baekhyun was quite miserable when he first realized it on Saturday night, but he was too drunk to think about such a mundane thing like asking for Junmyeon's number when they still were enjoying each other's company the night before. "I could ask Sehun, but..."

"What happened to you?" Minseok cuts him off and the sudden seriousness in his voice makes Baekhyun tense. "You weren't as restrained before... Before you and Kyungsoo broke up."

"Oh, come on, we didn't break up," Baekhyun whines. "That fucker cheated on me and then left. It wasn't just a _break up_."

"I thought we'd already talked this over, Baekhyun," Minseok sighs. He's probably rubbing his temples, just like every time Baekhyun would start getting on his nerves and being unreasonable. "Yes, he cheated on you, but wasn't this whole moving to Busan supposed to help you get over him? You can't just shut the world off, barely anyone knows you there and I don't want you to be lonely."

"I'd always be," Baekhyun says. "The place doesn't matter. And no, you know it isn't about you."

"Hang in there, Baek." Minseok heaves yet another tired sigh. He should just let Baekhyun be; who is he to give lectures to an adult man, not having gone through anything like Baekhyun's experiences? "Text me."

Minseok hangs up and Baekhyun listens to the sound of disconnected call until his phone automatically locks itself. He'd already had too much various thoughts running in his head before he called Minseok, but after talking with his friend, there's even more things to think through. He wonders if Minseok is right, if he's really become less open and cheerful. His own opinion about that isn't objective, but for him it's just a waste of time to ponder on whether he's changed or not.

People adjust their personalities to the circumstances and difficulties they have to face. You can't just stop growing and maturing, and Baekhyun, too, keeps going on.

Baekhyun crawls out of the bed and, leaving the sheets crumbled, heads to the kitchen. He puts the kettle on the stove, places a teabag in his favorite cup and sits by the table, listening to the quiet sound of the boiling water. He shouldn't have let Minseok bring Kyungsoo up, because they'd both agreed Baekhyun has to move on and reminding him about the painful break up and its circumstances definitely doesn't help.

In Baekhyun's dictionary, moving on means ignoring the topic and burying it kilometers under the ground. Minseok's definition is a completely different story.

The whistle of the kettle urges him to stand up and take it off the stove. Baekhyun pours the water into the cup and opts for drinking it in the living room instead. Turning the TV on, he sprawls himself on the couch and watches the steam come out of the tea; somehow it turns out to be more interesting than evening news, because it distracts him and lets his thoughts flow without restrictions. Maybe it isn't a good thing, after all, because the direction leads Baekhyun straight to Junmyeon. It was a coincidence they met again and he's certain of it, but such weird things rarely happen in Baekhyun's life and he can't stop pondering the way their second encounter progressed. He wouldn't have thought they'd ever spend a fairly eventful night together, drinking their drinks one by one and sharing various kinds of stories about themselves, even though they were still strangers to each other. It was possible thanks to the uncontrolled drinking and, despite not remembering a half of the whole night, Baekhyun keeps recalling the moments he hasn't missed.

Being with Junmyeon was easy. He was a perfect listener; complementing the conversation with his own experiences and remarks and making the other person feel special by placing all his attention on them. Baekhyun almost immediately forgot there were other people with them, too, because Junmyeon kept him engrossed in their talk and asked question that allowed Baekhyun do his favorite thing - ramble. It isn't difficult to notice Baekhyun's least favorite thing is keeping his mouth shut once he's into it and Junmyeon probably didn't overlook it as well.

Baekhyun hesitates over whether he should text Sehun and ask him for Junmyeon's number. It isn't even the worst part; he'd somehow deal with the teasing, but what message could he send to Junmyeon? An introduction, simply telling him who he is and then what? Leaving the number in his contact list, forgotten and never contacted because he's too much of a coward to approach anyone?

It wouldn't have been a big deal before The Break Up, but so many things have changed that it's difficult for Baekhyun to put them all down.

 

 

 

Baekhyun doesn't even know the logical reason as to why he agreed to go shopping with Sehun.

He blames Sehun's good looks and the fact he was the second person Sehun asked for a companion, after Yoona said she's tied up at work and wouldn't be able to find a free evening this week. It shouldn't be this satisfying to listen to Sehun explaining his girlfriend won't be able to make it, but he puts these thoughts aside and agrees as soon as he hears the words "go out", "together" and "sometime after work". Hanging out with Sehun and being sober sounds appealing and there's no way Baekhyun would waste this chance.

"It's the last store we have to go in," Sehun says as they make their way into one of the smaller, less popular areas in terms of shopping. "Sorry for dragging you literally everywhere, but... Yoona usually doesn't get tired."

"She's a woman, so of course she doesn't," Baekhyun scoffs. He shouldn't talk like this about Sehun's girlfriend, no matter how tired he is, so he quickly adds, "But that's fine, I could've turned you down."

"You're going to enjoy this one," Sehun says and smiles to himself with mischief Baekhyun can only associate with something traumatizing.

Just like teasing him about Junmyeon. His insides twist, but he takes no notice of it.

Once Sehun's parked his car, he leads the way because Baekhyun has no idea where they could be. He might've driven through this area before, but he doesn't know the city well enough to be able to recognize such details. There's a lot of small stores located along both sides of the street and Baekhyun makes out apartment buildings in the distance, so he assumes it must be a neighborhood similar to the one he lives in. They probably aren't in the suburbs yet, since the drive from their latest destination wasn't that long.

"Anyone alive?" Sehun yells as soon as he steps into the bookstore, quite an old fashioned one. It looks more like a castle's library than a store, with heavy, wooden bookshelves immediately catching Baekhyun's eye.

"Funny," a familiar voice calls from the back office and its owner soon follows, showing up with a stack of books in his hands. "Nice seeing you there. You haven't visited me in so long."

"You know how work is," Sehun waves it off. Baekhyun pretends to look around the store, but in fact he’s just trying not to look as though he wants to disappear. Which he does. "I even brought Baekhyun, so you shouldn't complain."

"That's exactly why you're still a brat," Junmyeon clicks his tongue and places the books on the counter. "How have you been, Baekhyun? It's been a while."

"Good," is all Baekhyun mutters before he stuffs his hands into the pockets of his jacket, fingers curling around the used, crumbled tissues. It's one of his many _disgusting_ habits, according to Kyungsoo. Baekhyun is the only one wearing his jackets, now, so he doesn't bother to throw them out. "If you want an advice from me, then you should never agree to assist Sehun with shopping. I feel like cutting off my legs."

"You said it wasn't that bad back in the car," Sehun whines, punching Baekhyun's shoulder. "You betrayer. Now, Junmyeon, tell me where I can find these..."

Sehun hands Junmyeon a note with messily put down book titles and follows Junmyeon to the right section of the store, both of them leaving Baekhyun to entertain himself. He feels utterly out of place and the fact it's Junmyeon's store they're at doesn't make him any less uncomfortable. He wants to run away and never face Junmyeon nor Sehun again, because he fears having to confront Junmyeon once Sehun gets busy looking through the books, but it wouldn't get him anywhere. Neither of them is even thinking about him at the moment, and yet Baekhyun can't stop fidgeting. He moves to the less awkward spot than the middle of the store and leans against the counter, arms crossed.

"It was a pity I didn't ask for your number last time," Junmyeon suddenly appears next to Baekhyun and he jumps, making Junmyeon laugh. "Um, sorry for freaking you out."

"No, okay, I mean it's fine." Baekhyun stumbles on his words, even though there's no need for that. They aren't alone, Sehun will probably be done choosing books in a few minutes, but it's long enough and _anything_ can happen. "Well, I suppose we were too drunk to think about that."

"You're right." Junmyeon laughs. Even if Baekhyun considers him handsome, the general rating goes down when Junmyeon's face isn't stoic. Baekhyun almost snorts to himself. "I remember almost everything what we talked about, though. I can hold liquor, I guess."

"Unlike me," Baekhyun groans. "Did I embarrass myself?"

"No." Junmyeon shakes his head, but Baekhyun knows there's more to come, judging by the way Junmyeon's smiling. "Not as much as when we first met."

"Why do you always have to bring this up? You're alive, healthy, none of your limbs is broken, so why do you keep dwelling on it?"

"Don't get mad at me, I was just joking," Junmyeon raises his hands up in defense. Baekhyun sighs. He's too tired to talk back to Junmyeon, so he just lets himself to be teased. "I thought Sehun would come with Yoona. I haven't seen her for a while. Everyone's busy, you know."

"And here you are, running a bookstore in peace," Baekhyun jokes. He feels a bit more relaxed and the tension in his shoulders doesn't pull him down as much anymore. "How long have you had it?"

"Five years," Junmyeon says. "It hasn't always been easy and once I almost decided to close the store, but I kept going. Running a business is satisfying when it's a successful one,  even though you're at work twenty four hours a day, seven days a week, thinking about its future and current situation."

"Opening a bookstore in such a young age is brave," Baekhyun says. "At least you're a boss to yourself, so you don't have to bother about any assholes."

"It isn't this fun to complain about yourself, really," Junmyeon laughs and Baekhyun joins him, close to being tension free. He's surprised how natural and easy it is to talk freely with Junmyeon, even without a glass of the weakest alcohol. "Are you done, Sehunnie?"

"Just a moment," Sehun shouts back. There's a stack of books next to him, both thin and large volumes. "Don't rush me."

"Okay," Junmyeon shakes his head in amusement before turning his attention to Baekhyun. "So, about the number. Mind making my life easier and voluntarily giving it to me, or do I have to ask Sehun?"

"Just hand me your phone," Baekhyun says carelessly, despite the nervousness abruptly washing over him once again. "Give me a ring so that I can save yours, too."

Sehun comes back a moment after Baekhyun's done putting his number into Junmyeon's phone. He's glad he's been saved from carrying on the conversation, not knowing what to say when he does what he's been asked to. Sehun and Junmyeon exchange a few words before Baekhyun and Sehun leave the store, thoughts of both focused on getting home as quickly as possible. It's almost five in the evening, so they were probably some of the last clients for the day.

Sehun drops him off almost by his apartment building, even if Baekhyun threatens to never speak to him again if he does so. Sehun doesn't listen and, not letting go of his bratty attitude, parks his car almost by the door to the staircase. Baekhyun can only shake his head and, amused, climbs up to his apartment with a few shopping bags in his hand.

Later, at night, his thumb brushes against the phone screen and Junmyeon's number countless times. He almost lets it slip off and tap the message button.

 

 

 

 

 

  
"How did you and Junmyeon meet?"

Baekhyun groans. His wishes for Sehun never bringing this up must've gotten lost in the sea of other desperate pleas. Probably more important than Baekhyun's.

"Through you," Baekhyun replies, unlocking his phone for the nth time this evening. He's been waiting for Junmyeon to text him back, but the other hasn't bothered to do so for over fifty minutes. "Why are you asking?"

"Don't try to fool me," Sehun clicks his tongue and sends Baekhyun an inquisitive glare. Baekhyun knows he's been defeated, but he doesn't lose hope for buying more time. "The _first_ time you two met, not second nor third."

"I don't know what you're talking about," Baekhyun says in the most innocent voice he has. Two can play this game, after all.

"You know it all too well," Sehun scowls. "But if you'd rather I ask Junmyeon, then fine."

"Well," Baekhyun sighs. Still no vibrations against his thigh; Junmyeon texted him for the first time that morning, asking for Baekhyun's plans for the day. He did take his time, but he'd probably realized Baekhyun wouldn't be the one making first move. "He was almost ran over by my car."

Sehun spits his coffee out, but after he has dried his face and the desk, he's back to being all ears. Baekhyun doesn't hide any details from him, because the whole thing is embarrassing enough and skipping some parts of the story wouldn't do much to save his image. He's always been an excellent driver; to everyone's surprise, he's been even better than Kyungsoo, diligent and careful no matter what he did. Kyungsoo's driving was never as smooth as Baekhyun's, sharply and abruptly moving instead of swiftly pulling off the road and taking turns.

They rarely drove Kyungsoo's car. Baekhyun was usually the one behind the steering wheel, Kyungsoo's fingers digging deep into the seat when Baekhyun was overtaking cars much slower than his own.

"I know being tired isn't an excuse," Baekhyun finishes. How many times more will he be forced to expose this to the world? "But I'm never this careless."

"It's... unbelievable." Sehun kept chuckling throughout the whole story. Baekhyun wonders if he would've been this amused if he'd known the reason behind Baekhyun's moving. Probably not. "It sounds taken straight out of a drama, you know? Apart from Junmyeon almost losing his life, it's pretty amusing and a perfect romance drama material."

"Life is nothing like dramas," Baekhyun snaps, even though he didn't really mean it; Sehun is literally one of the last people he can blame for his break up with Kyungsoo. "I'm sorry. I didn't want to bite your head off."

At first, everything was just like on the TV screen every Tuesday and Thursday, each episode introducing the viewers to the birth and nature of the blooming relationship of two people whose personalities are complete opposites, but somehow manage to work out. It'd been like that for a while, much longer than Baekhyun had unconsciously asked for, but all things come to an end, both good and bad. Sweet and sour. Nauseating sugary and unreal and bitter as a morning espresso.

"Don't worry about it," Sehun says. He doesn't seem offended by Baekhyun's actions and Baekhyun hopes it's really like that. They haven't had a chance to see each other's faces in various situations yet. "So, how it's been going on between you and Junmyeon?"

"Fine, I guess," Baekhyun replies. Minseok sent him a row of happy emoticons when Baekhyun told him he and Junmyeon had exchanged numbers. "He's texted me earlier. He seems kind of... distant?"

"He meets dozens of people every day at work," Sehun turns around to face the monitor and Baekhyun knows their conversation is over. "It's more than enough for him to need some time only for himself."

Both of them go back to work after that. Even if it's not the same case with Sehun, Baekhyun can't stop thinking about things he's heard about Junmyeon.

What kind of person he really is? Baekhyun's sure it shouldn't intrigue him so much, because, to put it simply, Junmyeon is someone who enjoys spending time with people but appreciates the quiet hours after work when it's just him and nobody else. Isn't that how most people are? For some reason, though, Baekhyun has a feeling there's something more to it, and Junmyeon's life isn't only about books and dealing with his friends who drag him out of the house at the weekends.

The chance to find out happens later in the evening, at the bar they went to last time. Baekhyun doesn't take it.

"Texting you is difficult," Baekhyun says, running his finger along the rim of his glass. He can't drink tonight; he's driving and there's work next day. "Your replies today couldn't have been slower."

"I was reading," Junmyeon shrugs. "That's one of the things that absorbs you so much you can easily lose contact with the world."

"But you have a store to run, don't you," Baekhyun chuckles and takes a sip of his cola. It feels like his teeth are melting down. "What were you reading?"

"Spiderman comics," Junmyeon says sheepishly and scratches the back of his head, not meeting Baekhyun's eyes with his own. He's opted for a beer, since he usually uses public transport. "Don't laugh at me. I haven't grown out of Marvel."

"Is it even possible?" Baekhyun laughs, feeling a weak signs of warmth settling in his stomach. It's subtle, by no means intense, and it makes Baekhyun happy. "I took some of my favorite volumes with me. By the way, who do you think was the best Joker? Heath Ledger or Jack Nicholson?"

"But Batman isn't even from Marvel."

"Who cares?" Baekhyun shrugs. He finishes his cola before he continues. "So?"

"Jack Nicholson of course," Junmyeon says with a confidence close to stating a fact. "Everyone knows it’s the only right answer."

"I've never met anyone who'd agree with me," Baekhyun whines. "I prefer the new version of Batman anyway."

"You should appreciate the classics," Junmyeon says. He drinks much slower tonight; his beer is almost untouched and Baekhyun stares at the mug with regret. Junmyeon and Kyungsoo would get along. "Haven't you seen The Shining or Taxi Driver, for example?"

"I have seen both," Baekhyun says. _And almost all the movies you'd call cult ones_ , he finishes in his thoughts. Of course Baekhyun has seen it, along with many other movies of this genre. Kyungsoo was a big fan of it, crime movies included, and to Baekhyun's liking, they'd spent way too many evenings watching those.

Somehow the fact they were both crazy about superheroes didn't stop Kyungsoo from _educating_ Baekhyun. He'd seen The Shining so many times he can effortlessly replay Kyungsoo's favorite scene from the movie.

“And?”

"Sorry, but I'll stick to Avengers."

They call it a night around eleven. Baekhyun's eyelids are a bit too heavy to let him drive comfortably, but he has no other choice than to focus. He considers offering Junmyeon a lift home, but bites his tongue when these words are about to leave his mouth. They don't know each other well enough to offer such favors, so Baekhyun walks Junmyeon to the bus stop, because he's parked his car nearby and he'd pass by the bus stop anyway.

Neither texts the other goodnight. Baekhyun can't get rid of the restraint he feels whenever things are about getting closer to Junmyeon.

 

 

 

 

 

  
It's a bit shocking for Baekhyun to check the date of his last call with Minseok and realize it's been almost three weeks.

When Baekhyun first moved to Busan, they called each other quite often, even for a few minutes, to not get behind with the current events in their lives. Baekhyun didn't notice how the calls started to get less frequent; Busan slowly began to grow on him and he isn’t utterly lost anymore. He's gotten to know his neighborhood to the extent when wandering around at night could be called a leisurely walk and Baekhyun has unconsciously started to associate the place with home. A different kind of home than the one he had in Seoul, but there was no use in comparing the two of them.

Being single is something Baekhyun hasn't had a chance to experience in six years.

He recalled how it's like to get back to the empty apartment. How amazing it is to have the whole bed to turn around at night and leave the dishes in the sink without having to listen to someone's complaints how the apartment is going to be invaded by cockroaches and rot under all the dirt Baekhyun lets assemble. Despite the fact Baekhyun and Kyungsoo had agreed to take turns cleaning the apartment, Kyungsoo would always clean up after Baekhyun and _finish_ the work. Baekhyun wondered why Kyungsoo wouldn't just take this duty on himself, but he never dared to ask. They fought often enough for Baekhyun to avoid all the conflicts that seemed unnecessary.

"Why haven't you called me for so long," Baekhyun whines to the speaker, kicking the blanket off himself. It was a bit chilly in the morning, but the weather seems to be looking up and Baekhyun might not have to spend the Saturday afternoon indoors. "You know I'm a busy man."

"Busy with what? Going out with Junmyeon all the time?" Minseok teases. His voice comes out clear, but there are people talking in the background. A woman and man's voices Baekhyun doesn't recognize. "I don't have to call you every day to know what you're up to."

"Funny," Baekhyun snorts. It's true; he and Junmyeon have been getting together quite often, ever since they went out for the first time two weeks ago. Baekhyun's schedule is never too packed; he doesn't overwork himself and does more than he has to. "We ate out twice last week. Three times, if you count Sehun and Jongin tagging along."

"Then it's twice and a half," Minseok laughs. "I'm glad you're okay."

"Why wouldn't I be," Baekhyun replies lightly, but his heart feels heavy in his chest. There's a long list of reasons why he wouldn't be _okay_ , but they know better than to bring them up during their first call in weeks. "Sehun and Jongin keep me entertained at work and Soojung feeds me from time to time. She's sweet."

"Isn't Jongin jealous? His girlfriend brings you lunch, after all."

"He couldn't get mad at me," Baekhyun states. Such statements coming from him are nothing unusual; sometimes, he fakes his confidence. No matter how insecure he feels inside, he always puts up the same act. "He likes me too much."

"Just like everyone does," Minseok says. Back in Seoul Baekhyun used to be a perfect example of a social butterfly. "I'm still hearing people are surprised you moved out without throwing a huge goodbye party. They regret the fun they could've had."

"They knew what had happened." Baekhyun shakes his head. Nothing weird in the fact people stop being considerate if they can have some profits from a certain situation. "I have to go, Min."

"Take care," is the last thing Minseok says before he hangs up. Baekhyun tosses his phone on the pillow.

He's meeting Junmyeon in the evening, at nine PM at the restaurant the latter suggested. He said they had the best roasted chicken and he'd been craving for one for a long time, but had no one to ask out. Baekhyun was about to ask if he couldn't go with Sehun or Jongin, or some other friend Baekhyun doesn't know, but he didn't really feel like cooling Junmyeon's enthusiasm.

"You're lucky I had nothing better to do than meet you three hours before we'd agreed on," Junmyeon says as he takes a small bite of the chicken. "You would've died from boredom."

"Don't think so highly of yourself." Baekhyun accusingly points the chicken leg at Junmyeon. "Don't you feel refreshed after a long stroll around the park? I haven't been there before."

"I'm happy I can help you get to know Busan and be your guide," Junmyeon says. His eyes reveal he really means it. "How is settling down going on?"

"Good." Baekhyun's cheeks feel a bit hot. Maybe it's the high temperature inside the restaurant and a bit spicy chicken, but it might not be everything. "I can get around more and more areas comfortably and usually I don't even need navigation. I think it won't be useful anymore."

"Busan is a big city, so I wouldn't be so sure," Junmyeon says. He isn't a messy eater, unlike Baekhyun, who can feel the sauce sticking to the corner of his mouth. "If you were to compare Busan to Seoul, which one feels bigger and, I don't know, more lively?"

"Busan still feels more foreign and distant," Baekhyun licks his fingers and cleans them with a napkin. He doesn't mind having his hands dirty with sauce and food when he eats, but he'd learnt to take care of it. Kyungsoo was always grossed out. "Of course it does. I lived in Seoul my whole life before I moved here, so it's a bit abstract to think twenty eight years and two months are even."

"I can't imagine leaving Busan and moving to, say, Chuncheon," Junmyeon admits. He's already eaten his share of chicken and plays with his fingers. His brown hair is messy and gets into his eyes. Even though Junmyeon's fingers are itching to get the strands out, Baekhyun knows he won't give in. "I mean, people in their early twenties aren't too tied to their hometowns and the mere idea of moving to the other end of the country doesn’t make them dizzy with excitement, but… As you get older and have your life sorted out in a certain place, then... How are you coping?"

"I'm not saying it was a piece of cake, but it wasn't as drastic as you think it is." Baekhyun chuckles. He hesitates on if he should eat the last piece of his chicken now or wait for the other pieces to settle in his stomach. "I... I feel homesick. Sometimes I get really lonely, because I left so many people. My family, my friends whom I've known for so long, but... I wouldn't have moved on if I hadn't left. You'd know this feeling if you..."

It's been a long time since Baekhyun opened up in front of anyone. It must've been when Kyungsoo had broken up with him and he needed a shoulder to cry on, so he called Minseok and they spent a whole night drinking soju and talking. Baekhyun doesn't remember if he'd cried, but he probably had; back then he'd still been extremely honest with himself and hadn't bottled up a half of his emotions, so tearing up more than once wouldn't have been weird.

Looking at his past self, Baekhyun doesn't feel as vulnerable anymore. Excessive sincerity isn't what grown up people stick to.

"I'm sorry if I asked a wrong question." Junmyeon sounds apologetic and his brows furrow with worry. Normally Baekhyun would laugh. Junmyeon looks funny like that; like an angry, little birdie. "I was just curious how your life in Seoul was like, still am, but if you're uncomfortable talking about this, we can move on to the next topic."

"It's fine," Baekhyun waves it off. "I'm just too sensitive."

He wants to talk about the good things; about Minseok, Jongdae and his musicals, his mother's rice cookies and lying flat on the ground by the Han river, enjoying the summer in the city. Instead all he can think of is Kyungsoo and things they'd done together. Kyungsoo's favorite movies he'd been forced to watch countless times and not fall asleep; pushing his hands into the pockets on the streets when he'd finally managed to drag Kyungsoo out of the apartment, aiming to bring back the times of them dating. They used to go to all the restaurants with student-friendly prices, order something and then rate the place from one to five points. They would try to cook the meals they'd liked by themselves, with Baekhyun turning the kitchen into the battleground and Kyungsoo actually getting all the work done. Cuddling and making out sessions on the couch in Kyungsoo's apartment  became a routine after a more or less successful attempts at cooking, Kyungsoo playfully pushing Baekhyun off himself and kicking him whenever he tried to climb up.

Thinking about it had never failed to make Baekhyun warm, even when everything they'd built started to fall apart and the pieces of a slowly shattering home stabbed Baekhyun's heart.

"I bet you had a rational reason to leave everything behind. There's nothing wrong in being hurt." Junmyeon isn't the best at comforting, but at least he's honest and Baekhyun needed someone to confide in. Someone who'd understand, even if their way with words isn't convincing. "I read so many books, and yet I can't express what I want. I know you've noticed."

"But characters in the books always find their happy end," Baekhyun regrets leaving the chicken for later. It's too cold to taste good anymore. "In real life it's... more complicated."

"Their stories end at some point and the rest is left unsaid," Junmyeon smiles lightly and leans forward. He props his elbows up on the table, chin placed on his palm. "Our life, on the contrary, keeps going on."

Baekhyun laughs at Junmyeon heaving a sigh of relief when, finally having his hands clean, he manages to style his hair so that it doesn't bother him. He'd look even more handsome if he dyed his hair blond, Baekhyun thinks as he allows himself to check Junmyeon out. They're almost the same height and he isn't too muscular, just like Baekhyun. Kyungsoo is around Baekhyun’s height, too, and Baekhyun never could bury his face in Kyungsoo's chest. His ex boyfriend's shoulders were also too narrow for Baekhyun's liking, but since he basically could say the same thing about himself, he'd never dared to complain.

One of the positions from Baekhyun's list would be checked off if it was, for example, Sehun. Or even Jongin.

To: Junmyeon  
_You were right about the chicken._

Later, when Baekhyun's already gotten home and made himself a tea, he texts Junmyeon during a commercial break. Nothing interesting is being aired in the TV that night, so he opts for an old action movie he's watched at least five times, three of them most probably with his head on Kyungsoo's lap.

From: Junmyeon  
_Go to sleep, Baekhyun. You're going to waste at least a half of the next day in bed and, besides, you almost woke me up. It's late._

Baekhyun has never gotten rid of the habit of staying up late, no matter if he has work the next day or not. Kyungsoo always went to bed at least two hours before Baekhyun decided it was about time he got some sleep.

He regrets not listening to Junmyeon when he told him to go to sleep. He wakes up at two in the afternoon with the TV turned on, phone lying on the floor and, on top of that, his stomach mercilessly growling because he's just _so_ hungry.

Of course Junmyeon was right.

 

 

 

 

 

  
Baekhyun had a hard time deciding if he should take his and Kyungsoo's photo albums to Busan.

Throughout the years they'd managed to commemorate the happiest moments in their relationship and gather quite a collection of the most precious pictures printed out and safely put into the photo albums. When they got more serious with their relationship, they asked their friends to look for photos of both of them, since Kyungsoo decided it'd be a heartwarming memento which they'd often go back in the future.

The first four years kept the albums away from the dust, but for how long can one look at the same pictures and not get bored?

Even though it was mostly Kyungsoo's idea, it was Baekhyun who seemed to cherish the pictures the most. Around their fifth anniversary, Baekhyun noticed how uninterested Kyungsoo looked when they were flipping through the pages of the third album, two albums for each year of their relationship. Baekhyun found it fascinating to compare their present selves to the past ones and see how much they'd changed, and Kyungsoo would accuse him of clinging to the past and not being able to appreciate what's the most important - what is _now_ , what will be in the future _together_.

Packing the albums to the suitcase Baekhyun realized Kyungsoo had been right. When they were still together, it wasn't the right time to get bogged down with memories.

He'd wasted so much time. After they broke up, the only thing Baekhyun wanted to do with the albums was to throw them out.

Minseok talked him out of making the trashcan a new home for the albums, or worse, burning them; such thoughts crossed Baekhyun's mind more than once, but his best friend prevented that act of desperation. Baekhyun needed everything that reminded him of Kyungsoo out of his life as soon as possible, but at the same time he never wanted to let it go. It was a tangible trace of their relationship, a proof it was once real and Baekhyun hadn't made it up.

He kept deluding himself the albums kept their love going in some way, but deep inside he knew it was an utter bullshit and everything had died the moment Kyungsoo told Baekhyun about Chanyeol. At first Baekhyun had no idea who the hell Chanyeol was, but then something  clicked in his mind and he recalled some of Kyungsoo's limited stories about his job and people he worked with. Baekhyun could only remember this much; Chanyeol was one of Kyungsoo's coworkers, whom Kyungsoo described as _annoying most of the times, but quick to become fond of_. Baekhyun should've taken it as a sign, but despite their relationship not being as colorful and exciting as it used to be, he ignored it and kept believing it was just a phase, a crisis of some sort, and it will pass.

Kyungsoo would always say how Baekhyun gets on his nerves at least twice a day. Wasn't Chanyeol the same? Maybe Kyungsoo just had a thing for _annoying_ people. Loud, bright and cheerful, the opposite of himself.

"It took me a long time to decide there's no future for us," Kyungsoo said. For the first time in a few weeks, his voice was colored with so many emotions; something Baekhyun had missed dearly. "We've been fighting about the same things for years, doing the same things, and we know each other inside out. We don't even share that many interests and..."

"So you're saying we're dull," Baekhyun muttered. "That _I am_ dull. Boring."

"For me, yes," Kyungsoo had always been painfully honest, especially when he wanted things to wrap up quickly so that he'd set himself free. No beating around the bush. It was a different kind of honest that Baekhyun was. "I've known you for so long, Baekhyun. I have a map of your body engraved in my mind, a list of your habits memorized, and I'm aware of everything you adore and dislike. This routine has been killing me, us, for so long and I’ve had enough of it."

"Why is it always about you," Baekhyun gritted between his teeth. He felt nauseous and sick, as though his insides had twisted and got tangled in an unnatural way. "Have you never noticed how much effort I've been putting into keeping us alive?"

Kyungsoo blamed him for the downfall of their relationship. But wasn't Baekhyun the one who'd remained faithful?

“Listen to yourself and figure out who’s it really about.” Kyungsoo said, leaving Baekhyun puzzled. “Relationships aren’t about one person making choices for the other because they think it’s for the best.”

Later on, when Kyungsoo had already moved out, Baekhyun searched for Chanyeol's Instagram account and found out Chanyeol is a part time musician. He could play many instruments well, guitar included, and Baekhyun watched every video of him and Kyungsoo performing short parts of Kyungsoo's and Chanyeol's favorite rock songs, just like the descriptions stated. Kyungsoo had always loved to sing and so had Baekhyun, but none of them had decided to become a singer. Baekhyun had thought the love for singing had faded out in their hearts, but apparently Chanyeol had lightened the fire of Kyungsoo's passion up.

Baekhyun had given up. He was too scared to continue trying to find the fault in himself and track the climax when everything had started to crumble.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Even though Baekhyun thought the painful memories wouldn't follow him to Busan, he is proven wrong sooner than he'd like to be.

The night out with Junmyeon and eating one of the best roasted chickens in his life turned out to have its downsides, too. Maybe Baekhyun shouldn't have let himself get close to anyone to the point of talking about his personal life, but on the other hand, a question about his life in Seoul shouldn't be this triggering.

It's a pretty normal thing to ask someone who moved from the other side of the country and it could've been anyone, but it was Junmyeon who turned their conversation to the direction Baekhyun isn't comfortable with. He doubts he will ever be, but he's also aware of his tendency to exaggerate which only grew bigger since Kyungsoo dared to replace him with a clumsy, lanky man with bowed legs.

Seriously, what did he even see in him when he was dating _Baekhyun_?

"What's wrong with you today?" Sehun asks, leaning against the wall and holding a cup of coffee in his right hand. Baekhyun tagged along to his and Jongin's coffee break, or rather, was forced to follow obediently for unknown reasons. "Your look could kill."

"I didn't sleep well," Baekhyun lies, taking a big gulp of his coffee. It turns out to be his worst decision that day so far; his tongue is burnt and he coughs violently. "The world isn't on my side today, either."

"Because you're trying to hide something," Jongin says. If Baekhyun's mind wasn't occupied with his fucking ex boyfriend, he'd take his time to appreciate how handsome Jongin looks today, brown hair styled up and light grey shirt tucked into his pants. "Sehunnie has been trying to find a way to cheer you up ever since he saw you enter your cubicle this morning."

"Shut up," Sehun laughs and shoves Jongin, careful not to make him spill his coffee on himself.  "No, but seriously, Baekhyun, if it's something we can help you with, just... You know."

 _Yes, I know_ , Baekhyun thinks, _just date me and I'll be fine_. Even he's come to realize he's getting desperate, because how much longer will he be able to sweep his hurt pride and pain after the break up under the rug? How much time is he going to take to admit that he's not okay and his methods of defense are failing?

"I promise you'll see the usual, bright Baekhyun tomorrow," Baekhyun finishes his coffee and throws the cup to the bin. "Today just let me sulk."

Sure, Baekhyun might've found faults in Kyungsoo, put down his flaws and made a list about his dreamlike boyfriend's traits, but he simply misses the past and doesn't let himself try to move on.

The first step at moving forward is accepting the situation. Baekhyun, unconsciously or not, steers clear of mere thoughts about coming to terms with the fact Kyungsoo is in Seoul, happy with someone who isn't Baekhyun.

He gets off work a half an hour earlier, Sehun kindly promising he'll cover for him if anything happens. Going out of the building doesn't feel as good as Baekhyun imagined it to be, as the first thing he encounters is a wave of hot, summer air clashing with his face. He's never liked summer that much and neither did Kyungsoo, but despite scorching hot weather, Baekhyun would still drag Kyungsoo out of their apartment and make them do some activities outside.

Baekhyun knew Kyungsoo so well he wasn't impressed with Kyungsoo pretending to be mad at him. They'd been together for too long for Baekhyun not to miss Kyungsoo smiling when he thought Baekhyun wasn't looking.

"Are you still at work?" Baekhyun doesn't bother to greet Junmyeon when he answers the call. He needs a quick, simple answer.

"Yes, why?" Junmyeon asks, audibly startled as the question comes out high-pitched. "Aren't you?"

"I'm going to pick you up," Baekhyun states. He doesn't know why Junmyeon seemed to be the right person to call, but he was, in fact, someone who first came into his mind when he figured he needed to take his mind off Kyungsoo and fill it with someone else. "I don't care if I shouldn't get off work without telling anyone or drive and call you. I'm going to be here soon."

Baekhyun ends the call before Junmyeon can reply and throws the phone on the passenger's seat, fingers clenching around the steering wheel. It doesn't even matter he barely remembers where Junmyeon's bookstore is; if he gets lost, he'll just call Sehun and ask for directions, even though he'd rather get to his destination smoothly.

He's scared he'll start to regret it if the drive is a few minutes too long.

 

 

 

 

 

  
"Have you been to the beach already?" 

They're sitting on the bench in the park they last went to - it's the closest one to Junmyeon's bookstore and Baekhyun didn't need to go anywhere fancy. Junmyeon didn't ask what Baekhyun needed him for and agreed to go along with Baekhyun's plan. When their legs started to hurt from walking around the park, they decided to buy some ice cream and rest on the nearest bench under a big tree.

"Not really, just drove nearby a few times," Baekhyun mumbles. Junmyeon interrupted him while he was eating his ice cream with so much dedication one could say his life depended on it. "Also, it depends if you're asking whether I've been to the beach in Busan _or_ in general."

"Don't be stupid, Baekhyun," Junmyeon shakes his head, but a chuckle gives his amusement away. He keeps shifting on the bench, his knee knocking against Baekhyun's. "I thought we could... You know. Make use of the weather and go swimming or sunbathing, or whatever you like. Since you haven't been there yet."

"You want to see me in my swimming trunks." Baekhyun winks at Junmyeon and bursts out laughing when the other suddenly gets flustered. "I'm joking, calm down. Let's go this weekend? I probably shouldn't leave the office whenever I want again."

"Seriously, what has gotten into you?" Junmyeon asks. Baekhyun already doesn't like the turn their conversation has taken. "You sounded nervous over the phone and I thought something bad had happened."

"I'm out of it today," Baekhyun shrugs. He's learnt how to appear detached and indifferent, and Junmyeon doesn't know him well enough to figure out Baekhyun's games. "But! About the beach," he eats the end of his ice cream cone and licks his lips before continuing, "we should ask Sehun and Jongin to join, too. And Soojung. And Yoona."

Baekhyun doesn't mention how much he just wants to see Sehun's and Jongin's bare chests.

"We can invite them if you really want to," Junmyeon says hesitantly. Baekhyun suddenly feels uneasy with the heaviness settling in his heart once he catches a slight tone of disappointment in Junmyeon's voice. "Everyone should be free on Saturday afternoon."

Baekhyun hums in agreement and lets the silence take over them both. He steals a glance of Junmyeon's profile and his closed eyes, eyelashes barely touching his cheeks. Junmyeon is probably the most handsome like that, as though he was frozen, but Baekhyun doesn’t find the true beauty in it anymore. He likes it the best when Junmyeon smiles at him when they  meet, greeting him with either small or bright smile; when he's deep in thought before he gives Baekhyun a reply because, unlike him, he thinks first and speaks later. Baekhyun also loves how Junmyeon gets all flustered and jokingly tells him to stop when Baekhyun shoves him on the sidewalk and laughs loudly, catching people's stares as they walk.

He's never been ashamed of showing affection and his feelings to people he cares about the most. In such a big city like Seoul, the chance of running into someone he knew was really slim, so he would always try to hold Kyungsoo's hand as they turned to less crowded streets or went for a walk in the evening. Kyungsoo let them clasp their hands once, when they just started dating and they were still excited and so in love; he was the opposite of Baekhyun, who wanted to show their love to everyone. Kyungsoo bottled it up and kept all his feelings inside, revealing them only in front of Baekhyun in his peculiar, strange ways.

At first, Baekhyun adored it. As the time was passing by, he got more and more convinced Kyungsoo was ashamed of him.

Baekhyun offers Junmyeon a ride home. When Junmyeon gives him his address, he realizes they live in the same neighborhood, except Junmyeon's apartment building is at the other end of the area. The circumstances in which they first met suddenly make sense; Baekhyun can't help but laugh when he recalls his first day in Busan and Junmyeon joins him, their laughter louder than a bubblegum pop song coming out of the radio in the car.

Baekhyun ignores all the beats his heart skips whenever he looks at Junmyeon. It feels good to be this reckless, but for how long?

 

 

 

 

 

  
It starts to rain on Saturday evening and Jongin calls their plans off.

He assures they'll get together some other time and everyone agrees, and with that their group chat dies; no sane person would go to the beach during a downpour, after all. Baekhyun is a bit disappointed, but also glad, as it means he doesn't need to leave his bed all day.

At least that's how he thinks his day will look like until Junmyeon texts him to accompany him in the bookstore.

Baekhyun could just say no or ignore the message, excusing himself with something as lame as _I went to sleep and just read your text now_ _at seven pm_ when he remembers he has a text to reply to. Instead, he slowly crawls out of the sheets and confirms that yes, he will be there soon. He doesn't get soaked this time.

"It's only eleven, Junmyeon." Baekhyun sprawls his upper body on the counter, lying his head on the Korean-English dictionary and using it as a pillow. "Why am I awake? With you?"

"I'm surprised you managed to drive here without causing a car accident," Junmyeon chuckles as he fills the empty shelves with books that got delivered the day before. "Do you happen to know if sleeping on the dictionaries brushes up one's language skills?"

"I took a bus. Now shut up and let me nap," Baekhyun groans. His left cheek is getting squashed, but he couldn't care less. "I've been dying to see Jongin and Sehun without these damn shirts on, you have no idea."

"I might have some," Junmyeon says warily, but Baekhyun isn't aware how carefully he weighs his words. "Are you... I mean, do you find them attractive?"

"Who wouldn't," Baekhyun mumbles against the hardcover of the book. It's difficult to speak in a position like that. "Don't you?"

"I'm interested in someone else," Junmyeon replies and before Baekhyun knows it, Junmyeon lightly hits his head with one of his Spiderman comics. "Get up, lazy ass. You're doing an awful job advertising my bookstore like that."

Baekhyun complies and rubs his eyes, letting out a loud yawn which Junmyeon tells him off for, because he didn't cover his mouth _and_ yawning is contagious. He figures Junmyeon must be an early bird, considering how cheerful and full of energy he is. Despite the fact it's Saturday and he doesn't get off work till two PM, he somehow manages to maintain his positive aura and ignore the grey, bland world outside the bookstore which protects them from the rain and keeps them safe. Baekhyun has always been a bit too moody, at least for Kyungsoo, who would have bitten off Baekhyun's head for whining so much. Just like Junmyeon, he also didn't like to waste time sleeping.

It didn't seem like a big deal, at least at the early stage of their relationship, but they quickly noticed how they started to pass each other even though they lived together. They only had weekends left, but they simply weren't able to make up for a whole week's worth of absence in two days.

"Why didn't you opt for running a comic store instead?" Baekhyun asks, flipping through the pages of the Superman comic he found under the counter. A coffee Junmyeon made him turned out to be his salvation. "Superman is lame, Junmyeon. You should store more Spiderman comics and put them on display. Your sales would increase by at least fifty percent, I swear."

"I'm not going to take into account an opinion of someone who thinks Heath Ledger was the better Joker." Junmyeon sends him a glare which costs him getting hit by one of the Superman Volume 3 comics. "Well... I used to read a lot of books, but getting older is time consuming."

"I'm only a year younger than you and I don't think it is." Baekhyun closes the comic and puts it on its place, letting it collect dust until his next visit at the bookstore. "Depends how you manage your free time. Live a little, Junmyeon. Leave the house and the bookstore and have some fun. You aren't even thirty."

"Just drop it," Junmyeon says. "It's about time we went home. We still have around ten minutes left, but no one is going to come in this rain."

The weather looks up in the evening. Baekhyun and Junmyeon share an umbrella on their way to the bus stop and walk into the biggest puddles on purpose, splashing the water around them as they jump. At some point, Baekhyun unconsciously grabs Junmyeon's hand and, to his surprise, the latter doesn't take it away. Their shoes and socks are soaked and Baekhyun winces whenever he hears the sound they make as he takes a step, but talking Junmyeon into playing in the rain was definitely worth it. Junmyeon reminds him to drink lemon tea and change into dry clothes through text and it warms Baekhyun up from the inside; it's been awhile since someone who isn't Minseok showed concern about his health and told him to take care of himself to avoid catching a cold.

Kyungsoo would always scold him for being reckless, but the fondness and worry in his eyes never forced Baekhyun to take his words seriously.

It's trivial, but it makes Baekhyun wonder how many other important things he hadn't cared about. It leads him to speculating that maybe, if he'd noticed their worth, he and Kyungsoo wouldn't have parted ways. There must've been a hole in their relationship in which Chanyeol took the chance to slip into and Kyungsoo wasn't only Baekhyun's anymore; at the end, he chose Chanyeol, because he had something in himself that Baekhyun lacked. Baekhyun was willing to change, to get on the same level as Chanyeol was, but love isn't always about effort you put into making the other person happy. Baekhyun could swear he really loved Kyungsoo; though if it was the case, wouldn't he let the love go?

Only now, after few months have passed, does Baekhyun realize it's not Kyungsoo he's caging. It's himself. 

 

 

 

Junmyeon's pleads must've been heard and the weather looks up. Baekhyun has no heart to turn him down after Junmyeon texts him that they should try to go to the beach today. He even put three exclamation marks at the end of the sentence; that's what Baekhyun considers _enthusiastic_.

He wears his Spongebob swimming trunks under his jeans knee shorts, just in case they wanted to swim. It's a bit embarrassing to have such clothes in your wardrobe when you're closer to turning thirty than you'd like to, but Baekhyun likes them too much. Kyungsoo bought them for Baekhyun the year earlier, right before they set off for their trip to Jeju. “ _Seeing you parade in them will make my time on the beach less painful,”_ he said as Baekhyun tried them on and eyed himself in a full length mirror. Kyungsoo wouldn't have minded if Baekhyun had packed the other pair instead, but the new swimming trunks were far more comfortable than Baekhyun's old ones and the problem solved itself.

Baekhyun picks Junmyeon up from the bookstore and they head to the beach together, Junmyeon giving the directions to Baekhyun to make the road possibly the shortest. The beach is only a bit less crowded than they expected, but they manage to find some space for themselves and their blankets to set them up on the sand. It's a little painful to walk on the hot sand barefoot, not to mention the blazing sunbeams touching their bodies, but the sight of the waves hitting the shore is enough to make Baekhyun feel as though he went back in time.

All of sudden, Baekhyun is with Kyungsoo again, his lover ghostly pale on the beach full of tanned people. Baekhyun had always wanted to visit Jeju and Kyungsoo complied, despite his hatred for sunbathing, crowded beach resorts and lazing around in his free time.

"Aren't these Spongebob swimming trunks simply gorgeous?" Baekhyun asks once he's taken his knee shorts off, propping one hand of his hip and trying to do a sexy pose. "Just admit how great they make my thighs look."

"Sure they do, Baekhyun." Junmyeon shakes his head with disbelief, but as Baekhyun bites his lower lip and shakes his hips, he eventually bursts out laughing. "Spare me this hopeless show, please."

"You're going to regret it," Baekhyun says, laying his blanket down on the sand. "One rarely finds someone as sexy as me."

"Whatever. Don't tell me you're going to lie flat in the sun for the next few hours," Junmyeon stands on Baekhyun's blanket, his head stopping the sun from shining on Baekhyun's back. "Come on, Baekhyun."

"Leave me alone," Baekhyun mumbles, face buried in a pillow. Weak gusts of wind tousle his hair and Baekhyun loves the way they gently hit his body. "Or better. Join me and stop complaining."

"Just a few minutes," Junmyeon sighs and lies on his back next to Baekhyun, their forearms and hands touching. "I'm glad we found a spot without children running around and sprinkling the sand on us."

"You're going to have it in your hair anyways," Baekhyun chuckles, recalling one of the funniest moments of his and Kyungsoo's stay on Jeju. "My ex boyfriend cares about keeping his hair clean as much as you do. When we went to Jeju last year, once I took a handful of sand and hurled it at him when he wasn't looking. You can imagine how annoyed he was at me for the rest of the day."

"I've had a feeling you're a brat, but now I'm convinced," Junmyeon replies. "You've never told me about your boyfriend before."

"There's nothing to talk about," Baekhyun didn't even realize when a mention of Kyungsoo slipped past his mouth. He's gotten so comfortable around Junmyeon he easily spills his secrets out without really meaning to do so. "We broke up a few months ago."

"Were you two together for a long time?" Junmyeon doesn't pry, despite Baekhyun expecting him to ask for a reason of their break up.

The question never comes and Baekhyun is thankful for that; he doesn't even know the answer himself, so how could he give it to someone else?

"Is six years a long time?" Baekhyun asks, both Junmyeon and himself.

"Now, yes," Junmyeon gets up to a sitting position and nudges Baekhyun's thigh with his foot. "But it won't matter in the long run. Get up, you're going to fall asleep."

It takes Junmyeon five minutes to talk Baekhyun into leaving the blanket and swimming with him. Baekhyun takes his revenge by splashing the cold water at Junmyeon once they're calves-deep in the sea, but he soon regrets it when Junmyeon successfully puts his head under the water and releases Baekhyun after a few seconds, letting him take a breath. Baekhyun tries to do the same to Junmyeon, but Junmyeon blocks all of his attempts by gripping Baekhyun's wrists tightly. His arms are only a bit more muscled than Baekhyun's, though it doesn't change the fact he's stronger and has the upper hand in their water fight.

Baekhyun eventually loses. Drained out of energy, he sprawls himself over the blanket, leaving only a little room for Junmyeon. Droplets of water on his body are quickly dried off by the sun, but it isn't as hot as it was when they arrived.

"We should've taken a beach ball or something," Junmyeon says as he slowly walks around their blanket, kicking the sand. "Beach gets boring after a while if you aren't focused on sunbathing."

"Next time let's ask the others to join, too," Baekhyun hasn’t even thought about it until now; he was so excited about the group trip, but Junmyeon's presence turned out to be more than enough. "All of us were originally supposed to go together, remember?"

"No, Baekhyun." Junmyeon kicks the sand so that it lands on Baekhyun's calf. "I asked you first and then you suggested to invite our friends as well."

Our friends. Baekhyun hasn't really thought about it, but Junmyeon is right. All these people, even Soojung included, have become his friends; some closer, some not, but friends nonetheless. His thoughts finally evolve around things happening here, in Busan, no longer clinging to the life he had in Seoul. On Baekhyun's first day in Busan, if someone had told him the man he almost ran over with his car would have such a big impact on his life, he wouldn't have believed in a single word.

And yet, here they are.

"Whatever, we ended here anyways," Baekhyun shrugs. He's already tired of sunbathing and he unconsciously starts checking Junmyeon out, thankful to the fact it remains unknown due to his sunglasses. Junmyeon looks much better now, hair damp and tousled, void of clothes that make his appearance too official for Baekhyun's taste. "Do you come here often?"

"Not really," Junmyeon says. "I've lived in Busan my whole life, so having a beach nearby stopped exciting me when I grew up."

"Well, if I was born in a city at the seaside, I certainly would..."

"You're only saying this now," Junmyeon cuts Baekhyun off, laughing. "Let's talk about it in two years, once you've gotten used to pretty much every attraction Busan has to offer."

The beach starts to get deserted around six PM and Baekhyun suggests they leave soon after. Only does he realize how hungry he is when he drops Junmyeon off at the bookstore, as the only food they lived on during their stay at the beach was ice cream.

Junmyeon refused to let Baekhyun drive him home, saying he has something to do at the store anyway. Baekhyun doesn’t really believe in that excuse, but he opted for not drawing Junmyeon out. Junmyeon has never forced him to speak about something he didn't feel like revealing, so Baekhyun returned the favor. It couldn't be that important anyway.

"I'm sorry I didn't call you back earlier," Baekhyun greets Minseok with an apology. He didn't notice he had this many missed calls. "I went to the beach with Junmyeon."

"I had a feeling you disappeared with him," Minseok says. "You've really become attached to him, have you?"

"No, but we are... We are just friends," Baekhyun replies, but he himself doesn't feel convinced about that. Minseok has to be, though. He doesn't need more confusion which his friend's words would bring. "We get along easily, but sometimes he reminds me of Kyungsoo so much, I..."

"You shouldn't compare them," Minseok interrupts. He sounds tired; the short sighs he keeps heaving every few seconds give him away. "You've never directly told me the reason of your moving to Busan, but I know what it is, and trust me, it's about time you let go. You're still heartbroken, and I understand that, but Kyungsoo... He has already moved on."

"Of course he has," Baekhyun feels dizzy. His left hand grips the armrest of the armchair he's sitting on, but it doesn't make the giddiness go away. "He was the one who replaced me with someone else, so why would he still hold onto the ruins of our relationship?"

"Do you think the person who ends the relationship isn't hurt as well?" Minseok asks, and the only answer Baekhyun wants to give is _yes_ , he thinks exactly that. "You'd spent six years together and known each other for much longer. It's not easy to throw it away just like that, even for someone who wants to break off."

"How can you know? Did he tell you how much he was suffering with his new boyfriend attached to his hip?" Baekhyun clenches his teeth; he has to be careful, because it wouldn't be the first time he said a few words too many, but the urge to voice his bitterness out is a tough opponent. "He didn't seem regretful when he broke up with me."

"I've been keeping in touch with him," Minseok announces and, for Baekhyun, it's equal to losing the ground beneath his feet. How Minseok could do that to him? "He wishes you the best, Baekhyun, and still has a soft spot for you in his heart. You should..."

"I didn't know you two became acquainted," Baekhyun tries to stop the wave of disappointment from drowning him, but it hits too strong to be fought. "I never... I never thought you could replace me with him, but I shouldn't be surprised, right? Tell me, how long you've been pretending to put up with me?"

"What are you talking about, Baekhyun? Please, don't be ridiculous," Minseok says incredulously, clicking his tongue. It's enough for Baekhyun to be driven crazy; how can Minseok be so blind? "It's not like I hadn't talked to him before you two went your separate ways, so why are you suddenly hitting the roof?"

"You're well aware how much he hurt me and you're still asking this question?" Baekhyun's head is spinning and he's losing control over his words; it's too late to withdraw and, this time, the chance to let it go is gone. "I don’t want to talk right now, sorry. I just... Bye, Minseok."

"Hey, Baekhyun, wait--" Minseok almost shouts over the phone, but Baekhyun hits the end call button and hurls his phone to the other end of the room.

Baekhyun's body feels numb, even though there's a fire burning inside his chest; it's only a matter of time until his heart gets burnt into ashes. How many disappointments is he going to face this year; first his ex boyfriend and now also Minseok, someone he thought he could confide in? Maybe he shouldn't have kept in touch with Minseok and instead cut ties with him, just like he did with almost everyone else? He couldn't have known Minseok made friends with Kyungsoo completely behind his back, not even mentioning that they became close after Baekhyun had moved out.

Of course Minseok kept his mouth shut; it wasn't difficult to figure out how mad Baekhyun would get once he found out, but wasn't hiding the truth all this time even worse?

Baekhyun has always turned to Minseok with his problems and worries; whose word can guarantee him that Minseok didn't put him down in front of Kyungsoo and Chanyeol? He closes his eyes and counts to ten, but it doesn't work. All Baekhyun can imagine is the three of them laughing at him, having the fun of their lives over Baekhyun’s vulnerability in his inability to let go.

What else is more pitiful than watching a heartbroken person mourn over the love that no longer exists?

Baekhyun is too sober to deal with this mess; mostly with Minseok turning out to be a friend that isn't worth anything and even himself, because he's come to realize how pathetic his actions are. No matter what he does, his attempts at changing always have disastrous outcomes that only make the matters worse; in this case, is there even a point in trying?

He rummages through the cabinets, looking for a bottle of something with high alcohol content to cure his heart. It's the only way he knows won't disappoint him, even though he definitely doesn't consider it a long-term answer. He's never been the one to get drunk every Saturday night, but the need to escape the reality has taken over his senses and, just this once, he wants to feel carefree. If only it was possible for the thoughts to vanish from one's brain and leave a blank space, but then again, can you think about nothing at all? The human mind is always occupied with something, either a trivial, single thought or the exact opposite, a bundle of tangled sentences difficult to distinguish from one another.

Tonight, Baekhyun is balancing somewhere between these two states, pouring shots of cherry vodka down his throat one by one. Each gulp brings more and more stupid ideas and, after the third shot, he decides to turn his laptop on. After the fifth one, with web browser open on the start page, the perspective to check both Kyungsoo's and Chanyeol's SNS accounts seems very appealing, despite the voice of reason whispering into his ear. The sixth shot mutes the voice for good.

Once Baekhyun's chosen the first thing to check, Chanyeol's Instagram, he immediately regrets his decision. Although Kyungsoo has never liked to be photographed and he'd often run away from the frame, Chanyeol still manages to include Kyungsoo's head or blurred arm in the middle of an attempt at covering his face. There are other photos of them, too, and Baekhyun likes them much less. His least favorite is Chanyeol and Kyungsoo pressing their cheeks to each other, Chanyeol's arm around Kyungsoo's shoulders, both of them smiling. Chanyeol is grinning, just like he always seems to do, and Kyungsoo smiles softly to the camera. There's a sparkle in their eyes Baekhyun hates, because Kyungsoo used to look at him like that, too, a long time ago; back when their relationship still resembled a safe haven instead of an old, neglected house with only one of its residents willing to take care of it so that it wouldn't tumble down. It's too much of a responsibility for one person to carry on their shoulders, but Baekhyun never wanted to accept his defeat.

Baekhyun continues to torture himself, moving to videos of Kyungsoo and Chanyeol performing some music together. His head is spinning due to all the alcohol he's drunk so far, but the heaviness in his chest must've been caused by something else; the ropes he's felt around his heart already for a while keep tightening, and there's no other remedy for this than to finish another shot glass and go on. The more he drinks, the deeper he's being pushed into a deep abyss of loneliness. He doesn't recall the last time he craved for someone to accompany him so bad, but someone to share his sorrows with could be helpful at easing the pain.

Without thinking twice, Baekhyun chooses Junmyeon's number.

"Hi, Baekhyun," Junmyeon says casually. Baekhyun makes out the sound of an ice cream commercial in the background. "What's up?"

"I need you," Baekhyun drags the last syllable on and it comes out close to a whine. "Please, Junmyeon, I'm going crazy, come and get me because--"

"Where are you?" Junmyeon's voice wavers with concern. Baekhyun relishes the subtle tone and uncertainty, but one sentence isn't enough to fulfill his needs. "I'll be right over, just tell me."

"I'm not really sure," Baekhyun says. For no reason, he wants to laugh. He doesn't know what's so funny all of sudden, but it's probably himself, seeking attention and appeasement for his heart he's succeeded in breaking again. "It looks familiar, but... Ah, Junmyeon, I'm so confused."

"Please, Baekhyun," Junmyeon answers and it's much sharper than it was a moment ago, as though Junmyeon was starting to get nervous and _worried_. Worrying means you care for someone, doesn't it? "Just tell me where you are so I can pick you up and drive you home. You shouldn't have drunk alone."

"Would you rather I'd asked you to drink with me?" Baekhyun almost drops the phone on the floor, but he quickly grasps it harder. He's getting sick of looking at Chanyeol and Kyungsoo being all lovey-dovey online. A few more photos and he'll be ready to vomit. "I'm at my apartment, but please, come. I... I can't stand the silence in these four walls alone. Not tonight."

"Just give me your address," Junmyeon urges. There's nothing more than his voice on the other side of the line; he must be getting ready to leave.

"I'll text it to you," Baekhyun says. He isn't sure if Junmyeon won't get lost, considering the number of typos he's going to make. "Just... Junmyeon, I..."

"I'll be here soon, I promise. Hang in there," Junmyeon replies. His voice is gentler, more soothing and calming, but it doesn't take any of the weight off Baekhyun's heart. "Don't do anything stupid."

"Too late," Baekhyun ends the call with a bitter chuckle. Six and half a year too late.

Junmyeon arrives ten minutes later, but every second of the wait feels like eternity. During that time, Baekhyun manages to drink two more shots and almost knocks the bottle over his laptop, but prevents the damage at the last minute. He isn't an aggressive person when drunk, but he tends to be dramatic and mopey. Kyungsoo would always put him to sleep once Baekhyun had enough, but Baekhyun hopes Junmyeon will listen, just like he always does.

Baekhyun didn't have anyone, a _man_ , pay so much attention to him in months before Junmyeon appeared in the picture.

"Baekhyun," Junmyeon sighs, once he steps into the living door and sees the mess Baekhyun is. Junmyeon's clothes, on the contrary, doesn't appear to have been put on in a hurry. They're neat and ironed. Baekhyun wants to laugh. Junmyeon should've just come in his boxers. "What has gotten into you? You're not drinking anymore tonight, you've clearly had enough."

"Oh, come on," Baekhyun sprawls himself on the couch and shifts, arms stretching over his head. "Don't tell me you won't drink with me and raise a glass to my pathetic state. I've spent the evening looking at my ex boyfriend's pictures on his current sweetheart's Instagram, can you believe? How much lower can I fall down, should we find out?"

"We aren't going to test your resilience, Baekhyun," Junmyeon says. He takes the bottle into the kitchen and turns Baekhyun's laptop off, ignoring the latter's protests. "Now sit and make some place for me. I'm not going to stand here for the rest of the night."

"I wouldn't mind that," Baekhyun says lazily, but bends his knees so that Junmyeon can sit next to him. "You're quite a nice view."

"Did you call me to check if those cheesy pick up lines work?" Junmyeon places his elbow on the backrest and props his head with his hand. He's looking straight at Baekhyun, eyes never leaving the younger man's face. "I don't know what to do with you, Baekhyun."

"I wish I knew, too," Baekhyun sighs and closes his eyes, but the position he's in is nowhere close to being comfortable. He doesn't feel like crying anymore; Junmyeon's presence does wonders to his soul, though he's still heavily intoxicated. "Can I just..."

"What is it?" Junmyeon's eyes glimmer in the weak light of the lamp standing in the corner of the room. It makes Baekhyun's heart a bit lighter, as if looking into Junmyeon's eyes alone could give him solace.

At this point, Baekhyun has no reasons to hold himself back; if he does something weird, he will use being drunk as an excuse, even though secrets spilled out in such state are never forgotten. He doesn't know how to control himself, because everything seems just right; shifting on the couch and placing his head on Junmyeon's lap does, too, and it takes only a few more wriggles to find a perfect position for the rest of the evening. He doubts Junmyeon will stay the night; sleeping like that would be good for Baekhyun, but maybe Junmyeon doesn't want to be this close with him and only perceives it as Baekhyun being particularly clingy because he's drunk? It's partially true, but Baekhyun has other reasons as well; reasons he doesn't want to admit because they're in conflict with everything Baekhyun had promised himself before he left to Busan.

"Isn't my head too heavy? It weighs a ton." Baekhyun groans, face twisted in a scowl. "Cut it off, Junmyeon. I don't want to think about Kyungsoo ever again. And Chanyeol. Fucking Chanyeol."

"Was Chanyeol your boyfriend?" Junmyeon asks softly, fingers running through Baekhyun's hair to calm him down and set his heart at ease.

"No," Baekhyun laughs bitterly, amused by a mere suggestion of them dating. He doesn't feel as if he was about to fall any second anymore, but his emotions are far from stable. "Kyungsoo was. Long story short, he cheated on me with Chanyeol and chose the fucking dumbass over me. We'd been together for six years, I... I can't forget. I can't just let it go as easily as he did."

"I'm sure he suffered, too," Junmyeon says. His steady breathing sounds like a lullaby, soft and rhythmical, accompanied by Junmyeon's sweet voice. If only the words he was saying weren't so painful. "It cost him a lot of nerves and courage. Suppose you'd met someone else and fallen in love with them, would it have been easy to put yourself in Kyungsoo's shoes?"

"I don't know, don't force my brain to work and think reasonably," Baekhyun clicks his tongue at Junmyeon, eyes still closed. His senses aren't as sharp as they would be if Baekhyun wasn't drunk, but the fact that he can't see Junmyeon's stoic face makes Baekhyun focus more on the fleeting touch and words. "If it had been you, though... You don't fit my list at all."

"What list?" Junmyeon asks, and, for a moment, delicate fingers gently scraping his head are gone. "What are you talking about, Baekhyun?"

"When I set off from Seoul, I had to take my mind off the true purpose of taking my transfer to Busan, so... It might sound silly, but I thought all Kyungsoo's flaws over and made a list of the qualities my next boyfriend must have," Baekhyun explains, but the sentences he's forming are too complicated and he's on the verge of losing the point. "I also included all the things Kyungsoo lacked and I promised myself to never fall for someone who doesn't meet the requirements, but you... You're everything but my ideal type, so why can't I stop thinking about you?"

"Is it true, Baekhyun?" Junmyeon asks, hesitant to stroke Baekhyun's hair as comfortably as he did minutes ago. His touch is so restrained it feels as though there were feathers falling instead of fingers caressing Baekhyun's hair with utmost control. "Did you... Are you in love with me?"

"All you do is confuse me. Sometimes you remind me of Kyungsoo so much, but at the same time you're not like him at all," Baekhyun confesses. He doesn't realize how carefully he should be weighing his words tonight; that's how all the things he's been losing sleep over have been disclosed by none other than himself. "This time I know what I want, though, and... It's not you. It can't be you."

Silence embraces the both of them with its cold shoulders. Baekhyun feels its sharp claws scratching his skin and it brings him to the conclusion something must've gone wrong; perhaps it was him who had a poor choice of words? He doesn't know. He isn't even going to remember his words in the morning, too drunk to fully comprehend what's going on around him. All he's aware of is that Junmyeon is with him and, for some reason, he's stopped touching Baekhyun. Baekhyun misses that touch; it satisfies the feelings for Junmyeon he's been bottling up, despite him craving for more and wanting to find out how Junmyeon's gentleness tastes like in its full form.

"Hey, Junmyeon," Baekhyun pouts and opens his eyes to check what's up with Junmyeon. He sees the man looking ahead, probably staring at the wall vacantly. "Why did you stop stroking my hair? You're not allowed to stop until I say so. Or fall asleep."

"Is that so, Baekhyun?" Junmyeon puts up a weak smile on his face and locks his gaze with Baekhyun's. His smile is fake and forced, but Baekhyun can't see behind the facade and Junmyeon knows that, too. "Who said that?"

"I did, just now," Baekhyun closes his eyes again and yawns loudly, showcasing his front teeth and throat to Junmyeon. An habit of his Kyungsoo had always hated, one among many others. "Aren't you sleepy?"

"Not anymore," Junmyeon says. His voice is distant, as though coming from afar; it might as well be Baekhyun slowly losing consciousness, but... "Sleep, Baekhyun. You're going to be hungover in the morning, but at the moment there's nothing else you need more than sleep."

"Only if you give me a goodnight kiss," Baekhyun mumbles. Drunk, at the border of the reality and dreamland, he's only capable of talking nonsense; Junmyeon really wants to believe it. "Are you a good kisser, Junmyeon? Should I find that out myself?"

"Do me a favor and stop being a silly, annoying drunk," Junmyeon says, but his words get lost in between Baekhyun giggling to himself and slightly changing the position of his head on Junmyeon's lap. "Go to sleep, Baekhyun. Please. I haven't planned on staying up so late."

Baekhyun complies after a moment, having wriggled on the couch and kicked the air a few times. He feels a bit cold, but he's too lazy to get up and bring the blanket from his bedroom; asking Junmyeon to get it for him is out of consideration, too, because Baekhyun would lose Junmyeon's lap, also known as his pillow for the night, and he doesn't want to break the physical contact between them. Being close to Junmyeon and feeling their bodies touch is what Baekhyun associates with safety and comfort, no matter if it's him resting his head on Junmyeon's lap or their thighs pressed together when they sit on the bench in the park.

Whatever kind of physical contact it is, after the closeness is broken, Baekhyun can't help but crave for more. He wants to destroy all the walls between them; get close enough to absorb all of Junmyeon's spirit there is, until there's nothing more but the two of them not being alive without each other, their souls connected in the most sophisticated way.

With love.

Baekhyun lets out a silent huff of disapproval whenever Junmyeon stops caressing his hair for too long, but it doesn't take a lot of time until his eyelids get too heavy to raise them up and steal a last glance on Junmyeon's face. He's forgotten to mention his usual puppy noises to Junmyeon, but the older man doesn't seem to mind Baekhyun's quiet whines and mewls after he notices it's just one of Baekhyun's oddities. Kyungsoo would always get irritated by them, because Baekhyun woke him out of his sleep so many times this way Baekhyun actually was forced to spend some nights on the couch, their bedroom doors closed. Baekhyun found the change at Kyungsoo's opinion quite amusing, yet somehow disappointing; he once considered these noises cute, but their charm had faded out and been replaced with a nuisance.

Baekhyun doesn't wake up from his sleep when Junmyeon's takes the younger's head off his lap an hour later. Instead, he places it on the pillow brought from Baekhyun's bedroom and quietly disappears, leaving too much of himself in Baekhyun's apartment than he would like.

 

 

 

 

 

  
First thing Baekhyun wants to do when he wakes up the next morning is to chop his head off.

He doesn't remember the last time his head was throbbing with such intense pain; as though thousands of bells were ringing against the walls of his skull, his ears becoming sensitive. Baekhyun could swear he can hear the air moving around the room. Far from being fully conscious, he tries to change his position, limbs numb after a night spent on the couch without moving. It turns out to be a bad idea as Baekhyun almost falls off the couch, preventing the meeting with cold, hard floor at the last minute.

Baekhyun definitely shouldn't drink again.

Not only his headache is giving him a hard time, but also his dry throat, demanding for something to drink every time Baekhyun swallows. He turns his head and sees a glass of water on the table, placed on a small handwritten note. Whoever left the water for him is a real angel, though Baekhyun would be even more elated if they included some painkillers, too. He empties the glass in one go, but it isn't enough to clear his mind and make him feel even a bit less like a spat out piece of chewing gum or a ran over frog. Characters written on the note remain blurred for a few seconds, until Baekhyun squints and eventually manages to make them out.

 

_You didn't have any painkillers, so I'm leaving you with this._

 

 

 

 

_\- Junmyeon._

  
The note is so short Baekhyun checks the other side too, unable to believe Junmyeon left him something written so dryly. There's just this one sentence on the both sides of the paper, and Baekhyun blankly stares at it until...

Wait. Junmyeon was in his apartment last night?

Baekhyun groans in frustration, crumpling the note up and throwing it somewhere on the floor. What was he even thinking last night and why is recalling it so difficult it only increases his headache? Maybe it's better he doesn't clearly remember all the stupid shit he did, since it puts the upcoming wave of embarrassment back in time. He starts recalling the events from the day before from his and Junmyeon's trip to the beach; going home and calling Minseok is next, followed by...

Baekhyun is a reckless, emotionally unstable fucking idiot and there's absolutely no denying that.

There's still too much alcohol in his body to let him think straight and replay their conversation word by word, but after a minute or two spent on thinking, he gets a general idea of the way their conversation flowed. Being hungover and realizing what a mess you made are ones of the worst things combined, together making a couple powerful enough to convince one to get drunk again and never sober up.

Baekhyun has probably offended and significantly pissed Minseok off; or worse, destroyed their friendship for good. He must've said many inconsiderate and hurting words, given how mad he'd gotten over... What, exactly? The fact Minseok keeps in touch with one of his acquaintances, who also happens to be Baekhyun's ex boyfriend? It was so incredibly stupid of Baekhyun to throw a fit over it he wants to crawl under a rock and never leave the safe place again. To Baekhyun's misery and to make the matters worse, it was even before he went on the lookout for some alcohol.

Replaying the rest of the night is going to be very, very painful.

The last thing he remembers from the unfortunate drinking session is calling Junmyeon and begging him to come over, which must've put him in an undoubtedly good light in Junmyeon's eyes. They've known each other for a while and it's not that Baekhyun has never made a fool of himself in front of Junmyeon before, but it was particularly horrible moment of weakness he should've coped with all by himself without dragging anyone into this mess. If Junmyeon hadn't thought of him as a hopeless fool, he’ll certainly start to do so having witnessed Baekhyun's breakdown last night; the note explains it all, and Baekhyun is sure more nonsense had come out his mouth than he's able to retrieve.

Too drunk to deal with his own bullshit, he ignores the sickness settling in his stomach and goes back to sleep.

 

 

 

 

 

  
No sooner does Baekhyun get up than the time reads five in the evening. He's utterly, undeniably doomed and his mind is finally clear enough to comprehend how hopeless his state is.

He kicks the blanket off his body and it falls on the floor, heat pouring into Baekhyun's apartment through the open windows in the kitchen. Did Junmyeon open them before he left or was it Baekhyun sometime earlier? He isn't sure and, in all honesty, it's the last thing he cares about at the moment. How is he going to fall asleep fairly early so that he won't be a zombie at work the next day? There's no point in doing anything today as it's already too late for things considered productive, so he might as well change his clothes, grab some food and go back to sleep.

There's something he has to take care of, though, and it's enough to make him retch.

"Did you wake up, Baekhyun?" Junmyeon asks. He took his time picking up the phone and Baekhyun wonders if it has something to do with last night. "How do you feel?"

"Do you really want to know?" Baekhyun groans. It's safe to stay with closed eyes, lying on the couch lifelessly and letting the summer heat burn his skin. "I haven't gotten up from the couch yet. I feel like dying, why did you even let me drink?"

"I didn't. You were already drunk when you called me," Junmyeon says, clearly not amused by Baekhyun's attempts at brightening up the mood. "I could do nothing than hide the bottle away from you."

"I'm sorry, Junmyeon. I shouldn't have bothered you." Baekhyun's apology is met by silence. He finds it hard to admit the fault in himself, but is it fair to make him fully responsible for his actions considering he wasn't thinking straight? "I hope I didn't say anything stupid or inappropriate."

"No, Baekhyun. It's fine, really." Junmyeon's voice isn't convincing even for a hungover person, but Baekhyun concludes he shouldn't pry. Junmyeon sounds tired and somehow upset and it's probably Baekhyun's fault, even if he denies it. "You're quite demanding when you're drunk, though."

"Aren't I always," Baekhyun laughs, but the only response he gets is a quiet chuckle. It clearly isn't working. "Now that I'm awake, want to go out later when it's a little colder? In our favorite park, maybe, since they even sell..."

"Didn't you have enough last night?" Junmyeon cuts him off and Baekhyun's heart freezes when Junmyeon's annoyance fully gets itself across. "For god's sake, Baekhyun. Cook something, buy painkillers and pull yourself together."

"Take it easy, Junmyeon," Baekhyun answers nonchalantly, but his confidence goes down and probably it will be better if they end their conversation now. "I'm too hungry to talk to you any longer. See you."

Baekhyun quickly ends the call and barely catches Junmyeon's goodbye, short and indifferent. He's never seen Junmyeon get upset over anyone or anything, and he definitely wasn't expecting to be the one who's driven Junmyeon mad; at least not with something as innocent as a hungover phone call.

Junmyeon may seem to have patience of an angel, but such people have their boundaries as well and Baekhyun must've accidentally crossed them.

Baekhyun gets up from the couch and somehow manages to drag himself to the kitchen. He isn't in the mood to cook anything, as his head is still throbbing and, for some reason, moving his limbs is quite painful. During first few weeks after Kyungsoo broke up with him, these things were something Baekhyun got used to; he wouldn't drink every evening, but weekends were filled with emptying bottles of various kinds of alcohol as well as drowning in self-pity. It wasn't until Minseok realized his friend's life was getting out of control and moved in for three weeks, despite Baekhyun's protests. It did help, though, as Baekhyun never found getting drunk comforting at all and a breathing human turned to be a better company to listen to his worries than a lifeless, glass bottle.

For the first time in over a month, Baekhyun wishes he never left Seoul. If he'd been brave enough to stay, he wouldn't have met Junmyeon and, most importantly, ruined his friendship with Minseok.

The first thing itself isn't bad, but falling for Junmyeon is a completely different story.

 

 

 

 

 

  
"I think it's about time I stopped being surprised by seeing you in your zombie form on Mondays," Sehun says when Baekhyun turns up at work, eye bags and red eyes catching everyone's attention as he passes by.

"Are you still?" Baekhyun glares at him, irritated by basically everything since his short sleep got interrupted by the alarm clock. He isn't even able to bring himself to care about Sehun's newly bleached hair and light blue shirt, one of Baekhyun's favorites. "You've known me for months, Sehunnie and, as you can see, my weekend was..."

"That's okay," Sehun pats Baekhyun's shoulder lightly and gives him a smile, his eyes too bright and happy for a Monday morning. "You have me and Jongin to cheer you up."

Sehun must've had some fun with Yoona over the weekend; it's been a long time since he last glowed so much. Baekhyun wouldn't mind spending two days like that, though definitely not with Yoona; with Sehun, maybe, but Junmyeon would make him absolutely elated.

If only Baekhyun didn't fuck up.

"You're way too cheerful today. I'm starting to suspect you've won a lottery or something," Baekhyun says. Sehun even brought him coffee; Baekhyun didn't want to miss their usual small talk by the coffee machine, but Jongin promised to drop by his cubicle later. "Tell me where the secret for a true happiness lies."

"I went to Seoul with Yoona this weekend," Sehun admits, a dreamy expression painted all over his face. "I didn't bring you anything though. You've lived in Seoul, so..."

"You're just a cheapskate, aren't you," Baekhyun teases. He forgets about his eyelids he's barely keeping open and laughs, amused by Sehun's silly excuse. "Do you regret spending money on your girlfriend as well? You should've told me about the trip. I would've recommended you some great places guides keep silent about."

"You can go with us next time, and Junmyeon too," Sehun suggests. "You seem to have incredible skills at dragging Junmyeon out of his cave. He's always telling me about your meetings whenever I ask him what he's been up to."

"He does?" Baekhyun asks, failing to mask his surprise. Normally it would wake up the tiny butterflies in his stomach and get their wings into tingling motion, but taking the weekend into account, said wings can only prickle his insides. "I appreciate your offer by the way, though I don't feel like being a third wheel."

"You could take Junmyeon to your favorite spots for some sightseeing." Sehun winks, spinning around in his chair. Baekhyun starts to get annoyed with this obnoxious display of happily being in love. He doesn't remember the last time he acted like this and the fact he can't even recall how it's like makes him excruciatingly jealous. "And yes, he does talk about you a lot. I'm actually surprised you two are getting along so well."

 _Not anymore_ , Baekhyun thinks.

"We'll see about that," he replies instead and takes a first sip of his coffee. It's already cold. "I'm going to get some fresh coffee. It's your fault it got cold before I even tasted it."

Sehun sticks his tongue out at Baekhyun once Baekhyun stands up. He doesn't ask whether Baekhyun wants him as a company and Baekhyun is grateful for that; he really doesn't feel like carrying a conversation and it's not just with Sehun, but everyone in general. Surrounding himself with people could help him take his mind off his fight with Minseok, not to mention Junmyeon being upset with him for god knows what, but all he needs after a weekend filled with unpleasant adventures is silence and some time for himself to think things through. Maybe he should just take a few days off and get to grips with his life? He still has plenty of days to use and it might actually help at sorting the things out; most people won't even notice his absence, and if Jongin or Sehun asks for the reason of it, he'll just make up a shitty excuse and quickly change the topic.

He can only hope that, this time, it won't end up with him giving up and leaving his life in the hands of fate. It has hardly ever led to anything good in his life and he doesn't really need more proof.

 

 

 

 

 

  
Just like most of Baekhyun's plans, the one he came up with on Monday falls through.

He doesn't go to work on Thursday and Friday, earning two extra days for moping around his apartment; when he feels like leaving his bed, that is. Contrary to Junmyeon, who's been silent all this time, Minseok has been trying to get through to him since Sunday evening; Baekhyun is too big of a coward to pick any of the calls. His friend's persistence and efforts only make him guilty, because he should be the one trying to get in touch with Minseok with such dedication. He's running away from facing the conflict on purpose, instead of looking for a way to resolve it. The easiest option is to finally talk to Minseok, either through replying to one of the hundreds of text he's received or picking up the phone.

Sometimes the most difficult things to do don't seem like it at all.

Baekhyun finds it hard to believe he's managed to convince himself he'd use the days off for picking the pieces of his friendships to glue them together. He can only hope for an apology and explanation to do wonders. What else could he do, though? The rest of the story depends on the other person, but it's undeniably Baekhyun's role to make the first move. If only he hadn't hurt two people practically at once; he doesn't know which matter to take care of first, so he just opts for none. He hasn't touched his phone for a day; it's already Friday evening and when he finally does check the inbox, it's stuffed with messages from both Jongin and Sehun, asking for the reasons of his absence and desperately trying to make sure he's okay.

Baekhyun actually feels bad for shutting them off, so he replies with a simple _I'm fine_ and never looks at the device again.

He sticks to that strategy until Sehun decides to keep calling him and he only stops when Baekhyun finally picks the damn phone up  
.  
"I thought you were dead," Sehun says, but he sounds relieved on hearing Baekhyun's hoarse voice. "We've been worrying about you, Jongin and I. If it will make you feel better, Junmyeon asked how were you, too."

"You have no reason to worry," Baekhyun says. His heart skips a bit on a mention about Junmyeon; why didn't the older man try to call Baekhyun himself? "I'm trying to sort my life out, but I've been doing a shitty job. That's nothing unusual, though, so you should just..."

"You're not going to ditch me so easily," Sehun warns. Baekhyun wouldn't usually take him seriously, but he's too exhausted to hold his ground. "Jongin and I are about to get off work, so just text me your address and we'll drop by. Don't even try to get out of this."

Baekhyun has no other choice than to do as asked if he doesn't want to ruin another two friendships, so he sends Sehun his address as soon as their call is over. He doesn't feel like having guests at all, wailing in misery all by himself too comfortable to let go of so easily; on the other hand, though, he knows he'll never deal with his problems if no one pushes him to do so.

"Is this what you call being fine?" Sehun asks, once Baekhyun lets him and Jongin in. He leads them to the kitchen, the least messy room in his apartment. "What's going on, Baekhyun? I knew something was off the moment I saw you enter the company on Monday, but I never thought..."

"I fucked up, is that what you want to hear?" Baekhyun grits through his teeth. For some reason, his headache is coming back; is it a side effect of having to face the reality after a few days of blissful ignorance? "Or, maybe, do you want some juicy details?"

"That's not a satisfying answer." Jongin takes three cups out of the cabinet and puts one tea bag in each of them. The water is already boiling. "We do want the details, sure, but not for gossip."

"Did Junmyeon say anything about me this week to either of you?" Baekhyun asks. He can't bring himself to face any of his coworkers so he just stares at the table and his clasped hands. "I think... No, I'm sure he's mad at me, but I can't figure out why."

"He texted me yesterday and asked about you," Sehun admits, taking the cup from Jongin and placing it next to the window sill. "You must've done something serious to make him upset, you know. Rack your brains and apologize. Making up with Junmyeon isn't hard."

"And isn't with my best friend, either, but I've been ignoring him all week anyway," Baekhyun groans. Having Sehun's and Jongin's eyes only on him doesn't help at opening up, but it's probably the only successful way to force him to speak. "I fought with him about something really stupid over the phone on Saturday. I was so angry at him I got drunk, did more dumb shit and then called Junmyeon, begging him to come over. That's all I remember."

"Why does Junmyeon always have to deal with drunk people," Sehun chuckles. He clears his throat and continues when Jongin sends him a disapproving look. "Jongin and I have called him countless times after we had too many drinks and he never minded it, so... It must be something you did unconsciously."

"But how the fuck am I going to apologize for something I'm not aware of?"

Baekhyun's words are taken over by frustration, but he doesn't care if they come out dramatically or not. Wouldn't any other person react the same way?

He knows what he's fought about with Minseok, but Junmyeon holding him off for an unknown reasons is tearing his heart out every day.

"Talk to him," Jongin says, by no means impressed with Baekhyun's glares. "Or drop by his store, whatever you like. If you don't reach out to him and ask what made him upset, he'll never open up first."

"That isn't the answer I was expecting to hear," Baekhyun mutters. He's the only one who hasn't touched his tea yet. "What if he doesn't want to talk to me, though?"

"He _will_ talk to you," Sehun assures and takes one of Baekhyun's hands into his, squeezing it in a comforting manner. "He's worried about you. After all, he wouldn't ask about you if he was as upset as you think he is."

Baekhyun remembers that one Saturday when he got to hold Junmyeon's hand, too. When it comes to physical appearance, Sehun is, in fact, his ideal type, but holding his hand is nothing compared to the way Junmyeon's fingers intertwined with his made him feel.  
Jongin and Sehun leave in the evening, having cheered Baekhyun up a bit with some lame jokes and some gossips they've heard at work during his absence. Jongin also talks about his dogs, keeping Baekhyun well informed about their blithe lives and Soojung complaining that he's paying more attention to his dogs than her. Jongin reveals they haven't been dating for long; it means they're still head over heels for each other.

Just like Baekhyun is for Junmyeon, but he doesn't even want to come around to accepting it.

 

 

 

Minseok's calls aren't as frequent anymore, but their intensity decreases only for one evening. On Saturday morning, Baekhyun's phone is back to almost constant buzzing, Minseok's number showing on the screen and close to haunting Baekhyun if he looks at it.

It's been a week since their fight, among other things, started to make Baekhyun's nights sleepless. If he finally picks up the damn phone, will it gift him sleep longer than an hour?

Baekhyun stares at the phone intensely, his eyes almost boring holes in the flat, slightly dirty screen with tiny specks of dust resting on it. Another missed call makes the weight in Baekhyun's chest grow; sometimes it seems to be too heavy to handle, as though it was about to drag his heart down to his stomach and drown in all the anxiety he's been storing in there. Baekhyun's learnt to delude himself with fake promises of dealing with his problems later, once he's calm and his heartbeat gets steady; once he knows what to say, but does he ever? He almost always improvises, spitting out whatever appears on his tongue. Sometimes it works, because it's nothing but pure honesty, but mostly it's just Baekhyun making everything complicated with a few words too many.

Minseok is calling again; it's now or never, Baekhyun decides, and picks up the phone despite the blood humming in his ears.

"You finally answered," Minseok sighs with relief. It's not the kind of greeting Baekhyun imagined; shouldn't Minseok shout at him and tell him off for behaving like a kid? "I don't know if I should be happy or mad. You've ignored me the whole week. That's not how friends treat each other."

"I'm sorry," Baekhyun says before his mind goes blank. What is he supposed to do now? Explain himself? "I've been trying to come up with a logical explanation for the way I reacted that time, but I guess there isn't any."

"You shouldn't consider logic as your guide when you think about your feelings," Minseok replies. "You hardly ever make sense anyway."

"Hey," Baekhyun groans, but he can't leave out a weak smile on his face that showed on Minseok's words. It's almost as though nothing went wrong between them. "I'm trying."

"I don't think so. You proved it perfectly last week," Minseok leads their conversation to more serious grounds, crashing Baekhyun's hope for simply forgetting about the whole issue and pretending it never took place. "I don't know if what I feel can be called anger. I'm just... Disappointed. I thought you'd made a progress in moving on from Kyungsoo, but turns out I was wrong."

"Moving to Busan obviously didn't do the trick." Baekhyun closes his eyes and starts to rub his temple. Talking about himself in these categories always gives him a headache, but he knows the only cure is to stop being a coward. Doesn't it sound just so easy? "I'd expected all my problems to stay in Seoul, but instead they followed me all the way here."

"So what are you going to do with them?"

"I don't know," Baekhyun says. "But I can't carry on like that anymore. Being stuck in the past has already started to damage my life here and I can't let it happen."

"I think you should talk to Kyungsoo," Minseok says cautiously, but he doesn't let Baekhyun speak before he finishes his thought. "Not now, not tomorrow. Not even next month if you're not ready by then, but I'm sure it would help you confront your picture of the Kyungsoo you'd dated with the person he is now."

"I'm not sure, Minseok," Baekhyun's voice wavers, panic settling on his tongue due to the suggestion. The mere prospect of them talking to each other after all these months seems frightening, even though Kyungsoo asked whether Baekhyun wanted to keep in touch. Baekhyun firmly refused. "Are we okay now?"

"We are," Minseok chuckles, and by the softness of his voice, Baekhyun judges he is forgiven. "Unless you decide to not pick up my calls. I'm not going to be this lenient next time, Baekhyun."

"You won't have to be," Baekhyun assures. "It's about time I started learning from my mistakes."

They do a quick catch up with the most important events from their lives that happened this week, though Baekhyun opts out of confessing how pitiful his state was and listens to all the gossip Minseok delivers. Minseok doesn't need to know about everything right away; at least not about Junmyeon, as Jongin and Sehun are already involved and Baekhyun didn't want anyone to get into this. Minseok would only draw him out and Baekhyun wouldn't tell him anything coherent, given how confused Junmyeon makes him feel.

Solving the fight with Minseok did cause a part of the weight in Baekhyun's chest to disappear, though the change isn't really significant. He hasn't exchanged a word with Junmyeon for so long and it stings, getting more and more difficult to bear as the days pass. He misses Junmyeon terribly, yearns for his touch and sweet voice complaining about people with weird taste in books every time Baekhyun drops by the bookstore. Baekhyun always laughs at him and his weird desire for everyone to be as deeply in love with classics as he is, but Junmyeon never gives up and persistently provides more reasons to win Baekhyun over. They usually bicker a lot and Baekhyun is at fault, not being able to resist the urge to tease Junmyeon, but it's never serious.

Junmyeon's frustration vanishes as soon as Baekhyun lightens the atmosphere with a lame joke and suggests they get some ice cream.

Baekhyun wonders if Junmyeon suspects anything and sees behind Baekhyun's facade of thinking about Junmyeon only as a friend. He tries not to show he's interested in Junmyeon more than he should, but it's difficult to hold back when his affection is growing stronger every day, no matter if they see each other or not. The mere thought of Junmyeon is enough to quicken his heartbeat; there's no use in fighting the warmth that spreads all over his body whenever they're together, hands brushing as they walk and exchange smiles every so often.

This is how Baekhyun's present looks like; it means much more than stupid Perfect Boyfriend list, photo albums with faded pictures and ghosts of the past sticking to his own shadow. Baekhyun isn't going to let Junmyeon keep him in the dark anymore. If he doesn't want to fight for them, Baekhyun will; he can't let himself lose even before the true war begins, no matter how much it will cost him.

Isn't Junmyeon worth overcoming every single one of Baekhyun's fears?

 

 

 

 

 

  
Baekhyun spends Sunday trying to get rid of his gloomy attitude. Saying he walks into the company building all bright and happy would be an overstatement (it's Monday, after all), but at least it doesn't seem as if there was a storm following him, making those approaching Baekhyun scared of getting hit by a lightning bolt.

"Did you make up with Junmyeon?" is the first thing Sehun asks when he sees Baekhyun, eyes sparkling with curiosity. "You seem quite... happy today?"

"I haven't talked to him yet," Baekhyun replies. He can't let this question shatter his positive mindset; he needs to keep it alive until evening, when he's decided to drop by the bookstore. "I had enough sulking last week, and it isn't helpful at all when you want to take some action."

"Do it quickly, for the sake of both of you." Sehun gives Baekhyun a pleading look and Baekhyun laughs at him, amused by the change of Sehun's voice.

He's always fairly cheerful on Monday mornings, but Baekhyun isn't sure if it's just how Sehun is, or if there's something else that makes him all smiles. Either way, he isn't keen on finding that out.

"I'm going to drop by the bookstore after work today," Baekhyun replies, remnants of his amusement left at the corners of his lips. His mood is lighter, but unease and anxiety about confronting Junmyeon still keep their arms tight around Baekhyun's heart. "Should we get some coffee?"

Jongin appears by the coffee machine a moment after Baekhyun and Sehun get their cups. He starts on Baekhyun with questions as soon as he appears in Jongin's line of vision. His brows are furrowed with concern, but as Baekhyun tells both him and Sehun the detailed version of his plan for the evening, they pat his shoulders and wish him luck to give some encouragement he's unconsciously needed. Although both Sehun and Jongin have no idea what Baekhyun's true feelings are, they still somehow take care of him and make sure he doesn't lose his head anymore and remains conscious. All three of them became closer than Baekhyun expected, mostly thanks to meeting up from time to time and running into each other almost every day somewhere near the coffee machine. These short meetings have lost the title of pure coincidence a while ago, but Baekhyun doesn't mind.

Little things in Baekhyun's life, just like this one, make up for the difficulties he has to overcome after moving to Busan.

The clock is ticking twice as fast as it usually does and Baekhyun gets terrified on realizing how quickly ten AM managed to transform into four PM. He gets off work in an hour and it doesn't leave him much time to prepare a speech. He's been pondering over the most fitting way of apologizing to clearly get himself across, but everything he's come up with so far sounds too awkward and stiff for people as close as they are.

Seems like he's going to improvise again.

Sehun wishes him good luck before they leave the building, but Baekhyun's answer is a weak, uncertain smile. He tries to suppress the waves of nausea throughout the ride to the bookstore, but he eventually gives in and lets the strange feeling keep him company. He wants to arrive already and explain everything with Junmyeon, because the constantly shortening distance left is only making him more jittery, but at the same time he wishes for the ride to never end. Backing off is still possible; it'd only take a few turns to change the direction, though Baekhyun probably wouldn't forgive himself if he let go without even trying.

"Junmyeon?" Baekhyun asks quietly as he walks into the bookstore, careful to open the door as soundlessly as he can. He got out of the car and quickly headed to the store to prevent himself from changing his mind. "Are you there?"

Silence. Baekhyun doesn't get any response, even when he calls Junmyeon's name out loud. He wishes the books could talk, because the quiet gets more suffocating with each second.

He wonders if he should call Junmyeon and ask about his whereabouts; it is, in fact, past his working hours, but the open bookstore indicated Junmyeon hadn't left yet. Baekhyun lets himself into the back office in hopes of finding Junmyeon and finds nothing alike a living soul in there.

Junmyeon either disappeared into thin air on Baekhyun's arrival, or simply forgot to close the store. The second option seems impossible when it comes to Junmyeon, but is there any other reason that would make sense?

"Junmyeon," Baekhyun repeats the name for the second time this afternoon and each time feels somehow heavier. To his surprise, Junmyeon picks up the call almost immediately. "Are you at the bookstore?"

"No, Baekhyun," Junmyeon replies, and the way he says Baekhyun's name lights up the fire in the younger man’s heart. "I'm on my way home. Why?"

"I'm leaning against the counter now," Baekhyun says. He might as well try teasing Junmyeon a bit to see if it will make it less awkward between them afterwards. "Seems like someone forgot to close the store."

"Don't make fun of me, Baekhyun," Junmyeon says harshly, as though Baekhyun's behavior brought some uncomfortable memories back. "Are you serious?"

"I am, for fuck's sake," Baekhyun snaps. He didn't come here to fight, but Junmyeon's attitude and lack of will to cooperate only adds to Baekhyun's exasperation. "I can wait till you get here. Or just go home if you want to be robbed, I don't care. I'm not going to watch over your business."

"I'll be there soon," Junmyeon mutters and ends the call, not even bothering to say goodbye.

Baekhyun feels his nerves eating him alive as he waits for Junmyeon, wandering around the store and looking at the displayed books. It's been awhile since he last read something, because there's never been enough time to go to the library and look for a book that would fit his taste. Maybe he should ask Junmyeon for some recommendations? He's a bookstore keeper, after all, so he must be in his element when he's asked for help.

 _If we even manage to make up_ , Baekhyun thinks bitterly. Judging by Junmyeon's tone over the phone, it's going to be more difficult than Sehun assured.

It's about time he started to think about how they can get even.

"Hey, Baekhyun." Junmyeon snaps Baekhyun out of his thoughts as he enters the store. "Thank you for letting me know. I must've forgotten to close the door."

"It's fine," Baekhyun smiles weakly, but the sight of Junmyeon after a week is enough to make him dizzy. He knows he can't just talk to Junmyeon normally or hug him all of sudden, but being able to go by their routine is what he wishes for the most at the moment. "I thought I'd drop by. To see how you've been, to talk and..."

"We _will_ talk," Junmyeon says sternly, but Baekhyun knows him enough to see behind his tough attitude. It's a simple defense mechanism and nothing to blame Junmyeon for. "We can go to the park after I check if nothing's missing."

They spend the ride in silence. It wouldn't normally be uncomfortable and they often drive in  Baekhyun's car without turning the radio on, but this time there's loud music coming out of the speakers and letting them sit in silence. Baekhyun pretends not to sneak glances at Junmyeon every few seconds, but it turns out to be useless once their gazes meet and they just sigh, not looking at each other again until they reach their destination.

"What did you want to talk about?" Junmyeon does Baekhyun a favor and starts the conversation. They've been strolling around the park for at least ten minutes without a single word spoken. "You probably didn't go to the bookstore to buy a book, did you?"

"No," Baekhyun agrees. The lump in his throat has only grown bigger and it's getting difficult to swallow, let alone force his voice to come out, but he has to try. "I wanted to talk about what happened that Saturday when I got drunk and asked you to come. Why have you been ignoring me? Did I offend you?"

"No, Baekhyun, you didn't," Junmyeon says with amusement, but there's a tint of misery in his voice; blink and you miss it, but Baekhyun doesn't. Something isn't right and Junmyeon poorly tries to mask it. "Drunk people don't know what they're saying, do they? It's fine, really. Don't worry about it."

"Nothing would've changed between us if it had been just _nothing_ ," Baekhyun answers. Junmyeon's passive way of taking part in the conversation frustrates him; where the hell is the _easy_ part Sehun was talking about? "How am I going to make it up to you if you don't want to tell me if or how I fucked up?"

"You didn't fuck up in the first place," Junmyeon seems to be deaf to the pleas hidden behind Baekhyun's persistence, but knowing him he's well aware of them; he just chooses to ignore them and Baekhyun doesn't understand it at all. Why not be honest and solve their fight for good? "I've been busy with the bookstore and sometimes it can be exhausting to run a business only by myself."

"But what does it have to do with us?" Baekhyun replies angrily, but soon enough he realizes that anger will only lead them to another fight and they aren't here to worsen their situation. "It's not like you were lazing around before we fought, so..."

"You were mostly saying silly, unimportant things that night," Junmyeon says. His hands are stuffed in the pockets of his jeans, setting a wall between him and Baekhyun. Baekhyun misses the sparks of electricity appearing whenever their hands brushed. Junmyeon stubbornly prevents it from happening, just like any other physical contact. "Some about your ex boyfriend as well, you should remember that. I had to get my head around everything I'd heard."

"Did you?"

"I think so," Junmyeon turns his head to face Baekhyun, though his eyes roam around Baekhyun's face and he doesn't let their gazes meet at all costs. "I just... I needed some time for myself and then life got in the way."

"You know, I fought with my best friend before I checked how my ex boyfriend was doing," Baekhyun winces at the memory, still fresh with an open wound. The only cure for it is honesty, and Baekhyun's working on it. "I'm not going to go into details, but I made up with him on Saturday, so it was a tough week without the both of you."

"We're okay, Baekhyun, so I think this week shouldn't be that bad," Junmyeon replies, giving Baekhyun a smile that quickly fades away. "Once again, thanks for calling me. Bookstores probably aren't the most popular location among thieves, but..."

"That's nothing," Baekhyun waves it off. He hates the distance between them that Junmyeon is trying to keep, so he elbows him, making their arms rub against each other for a moment. It isn't satisfying, but will Baekhyun ever get enough of Junmyeon's touch? "Hey, let's get some ice cream to cheer ourselves up."

"I'm surprised you haven't gotten out of shape with the amount of ice cream you eat," Junmyeon laughs as they make their way to the ice cream parlor. "Do you secretly work out?"

"I have a great metabolism." Baekhyun snorts and smacks Junmyeon's arm. "Also, my brain helps me burn all the calories when I'm at work."

"Sure, Baekhyun," Junmyeon shakes his head, chuckling. It's almost as though nothing ever happened, but Baekhyun catches himself wondering whether it's okay to do something he wouldn't have spared a single thought for before. "It does, undoubtedly."

They usually don't talk all the time when they meet, though Baekhyun's prone to babble and it saves them from being crushed by the awkwardness settled between them. He rambles on about everything that comes to his mind and Junmyeon simply listens, speaking up if Baekhyun lets him interrupt his messy flow of words. Maybe he's trying too hard to bring the comfortable atmosphere back, but he doesn't remember how it was like not to be himself around Junmyeon. Or maybe he was just expecting things to go back to normal too quickly? They didn't talk for a week, after all, and Junmyeon seems to be only a bit less distant than he was before. He's isolating himself from Baekhyun and it's painfully obvious, but Baekhyun doesn't know what else he can do to make him open up.

Junmyeon needs time, but Baekhyun missed him too much to care about patience.

Pretending to be fine wears Baekhyun out, so he's thankful to Junmyeon when he suggests they call it a day. Junmyeon says he should do some grocery shopping, so Baekhyun drops him by the nearest supermarket. If everything between them was fine, he'd probably ask Junmyeon if he can accompany him and then he'd ride the shopping cart through the aisles, Junmyeon telling him to stop because otherwise they'll be thrown out of the store. Junmyeon might not always go along with Baekhyun's ideas, but he doesn't criticize them and lets Baekhyun be, so Baekhyun appreciates it a lot. It isn't easy to accept someone and all their flaws, but Junmyeon's never made Baekhyun feel uneasy or bad for who he is, even if they don't know each other inside out and their traits are still being exposed.

Maybe that's what makes Junmyeon distant; Baekhyun might've unconsciously revealed the worst side of himself, his worst weakness and fear, so Junmyeon concluded he isn't worth the effort.

Baekhyun wants to ask, but he knows Junmyeon won't give him an answer.

 

 

 

 

 

  
"I made up with Junmyeon yesterday," Baekhyun says, instead of greeting Sehun properly with a sleepy _good morning_. "Did he tell you or am I the first to break the news to you?"

"He didn't even tell me you two fought," Sehun shrugs. "Congrats. Was it as bad as you thought it would be?"

"Not really. I don't know, honestly." Baekhyun scratches the back of his head. Sehun gives him a weird look, so Baekhyun crosses his arms on his chest and turns to face him. "What? Am I supposed to be bursting with joy?"

"I kind of expected you to be," Sehun admits. He fiddles with his fingers, as though he was preparing himself for saying something serious and was looking for the right words. "Aren't you two close? I thought he was the main reason for you feeling down these days."

"We are close, but our fight was only the tip of the iceberg," Baekhyun sighs. It's not the best time for thinking about his problems with people, but voicing them out reminds him of the impact his actions have. "I feel like Junmyeon is hiding something from me. We did make up yesterday and he said we're okay, but I could feel him keep his distance. He's never been like that with me."

"Did you ask him what it was?"

"Of course I did," Baekhyun doesn't really think Sehun will be able to help him, but he's known Junmyeon much longer than Baekhyun has. "He said it was nothing serious. No matter how I try to reach out to him, he just turns me down."

"Junmyeon is someone who's good at training your patience," Sehun just says. "Give him some time if he needs it and then everything will be back to normal."

The thing is, Baekhyun is bad at giving people time, especially if it's Junmyeon. He desperately wants them to be okay and go back to being good friends; he can't confess to Junmyeon, not when he still hasn't completely let go of the past, but it's okay for now. Junmyeon doesn't  seem to have the same feelings about him, so is confessing even worth a shot? He needs to be sure he's ready, but it's only the beginning of his journey to being fine. Talking to Minseok made him realize how much time he'd wasted dwelling on the memories of his past relationship, of Kyungsoo and all the years they spent together.

There's a difference between cherishing the past and clinging into it, and Baekhyun did take his time to let it get across to him.

He goes through the week with a few texts exchanged with Junmyeon. They're getting better; even though it's slow, Junmyeon is visibly letting go of his distant attitude and allows Baekhyun to get closer. Not as close as Baekhyun is used to, but it's better than constantly feeling like he's talking to a stranger. If only Junmyeon said what had made him so upset, Baekhyun would know what to work on and what to fix in himself. Just one word would be enough, but Junmyeon doesn't even want to give him that.

They meet on Saturday evening to get a late dinner. They opt for roasted chicken and it reminds Baekhyun of their first visit there; they ate exactly the same thing, and it was one of the first times Baekhyun opened up to Junmyeon. They're making memories, he realizes. They meet so often at the same places he can't help but associate them with no one else but Junmyeon, and somehow these places become theirs; their favorite park, favorite restaurant, favorite ice cream parlor. Baekhyun's favorite bookstore, the one that Junmyeon runs. That's how he creates bonds not only with Junmyeon, but with the city as well; not as foreign anymore as it truly begins to resemble home.

Home is where your heart is, and Baekhyun's heart is right here, in Busan. With Junmyeon.

"...so I just had Sehun tease me for the rest of the day, but it was his fault for chatting me up," Baekhyun finishes the story about him spilling the coffee on Jongin by accident on Friday, hoping to cheer Junmyeon up a bit. Junmyeon doesn't act with as much restraint as he did before, but Baekhyun can see there's something that stops him from smiling. "Hey, Junmyeon, what's up with you? You're unusually quiet. You've been like that since we made up, to be honest."

"Stop imagining things," Junmyeon replies and takes a bite of the chicken, looking everywhere but at Baekhyun. He's avoiding Baekhyun again. "We're fine, aren't we?"

"No, Junmyeon," Baekhyun snaps. He's getting tired of turning a blind eye to how fake everything seems to be, how it isn't _fine_ at all. He wipes his fingers with a tissue; they're still greasy, but he doesn't care. "We're nowhere close to being fine and we both know that. Stop fooling me and just tell me what is wrong."

"It's nothing, Baekhyun," Junmyeon sighs, unaffected by Baekhyun's raised voice. No one is looking at them; it's too loud in the restaurant for their voices to stand out among other conversations and laughter. "Can you just let it go?"

"No, I can't." Baekhyun stares boldly at Junmyeon. He needs to use the rest of his self control to stop himself from reaching for Junmyeon's hand to hold it and pretend their intertwined fingers mean anything. "It isn't working, can't you see? Tell me what is it. Please. I can't stand it anymore."

"Do you know what you told me that night two weeks ago?" Junmyeon asks. Baekhyun shakes his head; of course he doesn't know, how would he? Their gazes finally meet, for the first time in a while. People's eyes are the reflection of their souls, and Junmyeon's are filled with hurt. "I thought so. You were... Well, you were drunk, so you weren't aware of what you were saying. You said something about me not fitting the list and that I can't be the person you want. I'm confused, Baekhyun. What did it even mean?"

Baekhyun freezes in his spot and it feels as though he was losing his grip. His cheeks start to burn and his heart is hammering in his chest, blood rushing through his veins and humming in his ears. The familiar dizziness is back, except Baekhyun has nothing to hold onto. How did he let this happen? How stupid of him, getting drunk and spilling his biggest secret to Junmyeon? He wanted to cure himself first before starting to approaching Junmyeon and making him used to Baekhyun's increasing displays of affection. They had all the time in the world to build something stable and firm and Baekhyun didn't mean to rush anything.

He never wished to make Junmyeon doubt his feelings, but that's exactly what he achieved.

"Junmyeon, I... I'm sorry," Baekhyun doesn't know how to start, how to explain himself. Is there any other option than revealing the truth? Junmyeon opened up because Baekhyun asked for it; it's only fair to return the favor, isn't it? "I know an apology isn't enough. I never wanted you to find out about my feelings like this, not now."

"Find out about what?" Junmyeon asks, diving deeper into the subject. He's tense and his voice wavers, but Baekhyun can see he's still trying not to give in. "You said I was the one making you confused, but actually I think it's the other way round."

"I... I like you, Junmyeon," Baekhyun says, each word close to getting stuck in his throat. Somehow it doesn't sound right at all and like alone is nothing compared to what Baekhyun really feels. "No, wait, saying I like you is an understatement. I'm fucking crazy about you, you know? I can barely take my mind off you, because you're always there, hiding in the corner of every thought of mine that isn't about you."

"But?" Junmyeon slowly lets his guard down. He's no longer trying to put a wall between them, because that’s the last thing they need to understand each other now. No word can be left out and they need to put their pride aside, and they both know it. "There's a catch, right?"

"There is." Baekhyun nods. He places one hand on the table, the other resting on his thigh, clenched into fist with his fingernails cutting into his skin. The pain isn't even worth taking notice of, but it helps him to not go crazy. "I'm not ready to get into a new relationship, not when I still haven't let go of the last one. You witnessed it yourself anyway."

"I'm willing to wait, but only if you want me to," Junmyeon says. It's soft, quiet and barely audible in such a noisy place, but Baekhyun catches the words just as Junmyeon covers his hand with his own, his thumb rubbing small circles on Baekhyun's skin. What is he even implying? Does it mean he is... "I can do it for you, because my feelings are the same. I've fallen in love with you, Baekhyun, and I don't want to force you into anything."

"Are you serious?" Baekhyun doesn't believe his ears; they must've fooled him, because wouldn't it be just too good to be true if Junmyeon really loved him? Despite all Baekhyun's flaws and the pain he caused to Junmyeon, he still reciprocates Baekhyun's feelings? "You can't be. Stop making fun of me, Junmyeon. Please."

"Do you really want us to fight again?" Junmyeon shakes his head, looking at Baekhyun with disbelief. "I'm as serious as I could be, so please... Please don't accuse me of lying to you."

"Why did you even fall for me?" Baekhyun chuckles bitterly. Junmyeon's hand on his makes his skin burn, and there's fire turning the excessive weight in his heart into ashes. There's going to be some left, and Baekhyun needs more time to get rid of it, but for now he's happy  enough to enjoy the moment. "Now you're well aware of how fucked up I am, yet you're still willing to get into this?"

"Not unless you deal with your past," Junmyeon says, and Baekhyun knows it's the only condition he has to fulfill. Both for himself and for Junmyeon; for them to have a new start together. "I will help you, but only if you ask for it. Let's just stay friends for the time being."

"I don't know if I'll be able to keep my hands off you, though." Baekhyun cocks an eyebrow at Junmyeon, allowing himself to add a subtle smirk. Just to test the waters, he tells himself, but Junmyeon would always go along with his flirting. "You're so irresistible."

"You have to hold your desires back," Junmyeon replies lightly, as though they didn't just confess to each other. It feels so weird, because everything changed, but at the same, nothing really did. "It only depends on you for how long."

Baekhyun relishes the fact they made the things clear. They both know where they're standing with each other, no longer having to swallow the words that once were on the tip of their tongues. Having a serious conversation and disclosing their true feelings after a long time didn't make all their worries and problems disappear; Baekhyun's well aware of Junmyeon still being hurt, but they can take their time to heal. No one is rushing them, though Baekhyun doesn't take it as a permission to be lazy and put sorting his life out back.

Junmyeon is waiting at the end of the journey, but the chances of losing his balance are too high to ignore.

They leave the restaurant after devouring another roasted chicken. Even if summer is in full swing, the night is cold; too cold to go for a walk in a t-shirt Baekhyun's wearing, so he's unceremoniously shivering in front of the restaurant. Junmyeon's standing right next to him, laughing.

"I would ask if you want me to lend you my jacket, but life isn't a romance movie," Junmyeon laughs, earning himself a punch in the shoulder from Baekhyun. "Hey, don't be like that."

"Let's just go home," Baekhyun says, putting some not so subtle tints of fake grudge into his voice. "I'm not going to spend any more time with someone as impolite as you."

This time, Baekhyun drops Junmyeon by his apartment building. Junmyeon asks him whether he wants to go in, but Baekhyun turns the invitation down. He doesn't need to lie to Junmyeon with something as predictable as _it's late and I should go home_ , so he simply says there will be another chance for that. They're both capable of controlling themselves and their desires, but anything can happen. Baekhyun doesn't want to run a risk of ruining their future relationship with his instincts.

Junmyeon might hold back, but Baekhyun probably wouldn't.

Once Baekhyun reaches his apartment, he slips his shoes off and heads to the kitchen. He opens the fridge and takes a can of beer out; he needs some alcohol in his system, this time only for a good sleep. Only does he realize how exhausted he is when he plops on the couch and turns the TV on. It's still fairly early, at least for him, and his plans for the rest of the night don't include going to sleep before one AM.

He examines his conversation with Junmyeon with an old horror movie playing in the background, a woman's screams muffled by the low volume. Only a week ago at that time he was still moping, wondering if Junmyeon hates him despite Sehun denying those ridiculous assumptions and trying to stop Baekhyun from going overboard. He's  amused by this quite unexpected turn of events, because it proves how much actually depends on him. He's still not quite okay, won't be in a while, but it's fine - he has many people around who are willing to help, have been trying to do so for a long time, but Baekhyun was too dense to realize he can count on them.

But most importantly, he has Junmyeon. Junmyeon and his cheesy goodnight texts, with a heart emoticon as a cherry on top.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Days pass by quickly when there's nothing else you have to worry about other than usual, mundane things you're used to dealing with. Baekhyun notices that, too, as summer is slowly coming to an end. September welcomes him with slightly colder, shorter days and red, plaid blanket in Junmyeon's apartment, and Baekhyun feels like he has no right to complain at all.

It's been a month since Junmyeon confessed to him and they agreed to wait for each other, and Baekhyun can proudly say he's made a very good progress at moving on. He went through all the photo albums he'd brought and tried to look at the pictures without a want to hire a professional killer to do away with Kyungsoo. At first it didn’t turn out as perfectly as he wants it to, but the second and third times are definitely better and Baekhyun is elated to watch himself improve. He ponders whether he should keep them in his apartment at the bottom of the closet, but eventually decides he doesn't need them close anymore and takes them to the basement. One day he also dares to check Chanyeol's Instagram - out of curiosity, yes, but he also considers it a part of his therapy, as Junmyeon called it. He scrolls down the page not only without smashing his laptop to pieces, but also with a few chuckles of amusement as he watches a few videos of Chanyeol getting on Kyungsoo's nerves. He would do that too, at the early stages of their relationship, but such a thought doesn't pop out in his mind with grief stuck to it; it's more nostalgic, letting Baekhyun treasure good, old days.

Without a doubt, things are looking up and Baekhyun lets go of the weight in his heart day by day.

"Jongdae's birthday is in two weeks," Minseok says when Baekhyun calls him during his break. Sehun's waiting for him near the coffee machine, caught up in gossiping with Jongin, so it needs to be a quick call. "Are you coming to Seoul?"

"Yes." Baekhyun licks his lips. He hasn't seen his friends for a while and he misses them, and besides... "Is Kyungsoo going to be here?"

"With Chanyeol," Minseok confirms. Baekhyun's heart, not to his surprise anymore, doesn't sink. "Are you sure you'll be okay?"

"You know I've been working on it," Baekhyun says. Minseok was the first person he told about his agreement with Junmyeon and Minseok's been helping him as much as the distance let him. "Okay, Junmyeon has been, too."

"I'll pick you up from the airport," Minseok says with too much enthusiasm for it being only noon, but Baekhyun doesn't blame him. He hasn't started planning his short trip to Seoul yet, save for booking the plane tickets. "You don't want to run over anyone with your car again, do you?"

"One bookstore keeper is enough," Baekhyun agrees. Minseok will never let him forget that day and sometimes Baekhyun regrets telling him about the extraordinary first meeting. "I'll call you later, okay? Sehun is glaring at me."

"Sure, Baekhyun." Minseok chuckles. "Bye."

Baekhyun joins both his coworkers and smiles to Sehun when he's handed the coffee; Sehun looks good today, hair pushed back with short roots showing. He always notices how Sehun's dressed up, what color his shirt is or how his hair is styled every day. It became his habit a few weeks after he'd moved to Busan, but he no longer pays attention to Sehun's looks because he's attracted to him. Sehun is handsome, yes, and there's no use denying it - Baekhyun even discussed it with Junmyeon the other day - but Baekhyun has had his eyes on Junmyeon for months. Compared to Junmyeon, everyone else just appears bland and not interesting enough to draw Baekhyun's attention for longer than a few seconds.

It's how being in love feels like; you can't see anyone but the person you fell for, and despite the fleeting nature of this state, Baekhyun relishes it. He hasn't experienced this for years; not to mention the fact that, when he and Junmyeon finally start dating, he knows he can expect his hopeless infatuation to grow bigger.

Not that he minds it.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Baekhyun spends an awful amount of time at Junmyeon's apartment; at least that's what Junmyeon says, but Baekhyun knows he doesn't mean it. He would kick Baekhyun out if he did, and yet he allows him to claim his couch as his new favorite place to lie on. Second favorite place to be exact; Junmyeon's lap is undoubtedly first.

He drops by Junmyeon's place in the evening; it isn't even that late, but the sun has already gone down and it's a matter of minutes before the night has its fair share of the day. He bought some cherry cake on his way from work the day before and decided to bring the leftovers. He's eaten a bit more than a half of it, but Junmyeon isn't picky and will appreciate Baekhyun's generosity.

"You're annoying," Junmyeon says, smacking Baekhyun's head lightly. "Stop fidgeting, I'm trying to focus on the movie."

"Why is everyone choosing Jack Nicholson over me," Baekhyun's whines. He's lying on the couch, head nestled on Junmyeon's lap and legs dangling over the armrest. "I even brought you cake! Aren't I more handsome than he's ever been?"

"You are, Baekhyun. Now be quiet."

"Hey." Baekhyun clicks his tongue and reaches for Junmyeon's hand, placing it back on his hair. "At least don't stop stroking my hair."

Junmyeon sighs, but gives in to Baekhyun's whining and goes back to running his fingers through Baekhyun's hair. Their evenings often look like this, with one of them coming to the other's place and making himself at home. It's mostly Baekhyun who comes over, since Junmyeon isn't keen on leaving his apartment when there's no need for it - occasional dates with Baekhyun don't count and they don't even go out that often. Junmyeon prefers privacy, as he says he doesn't feel fully comfortable with physically being close to someone in public. Unlike Baekhyun, who couldn't care less about what people think, though he tries to understand Junmyeon's nature. Even if showing affection without any witnesses isn't bugging him now, it probably will in the future.

One of the mistakes he was constantly making in his relationship with Kyungsoo was a lack of communication about many things, not only the most important ones. Baekhyun promised himself to learn from them and it's the perfect moment to start.

"When are you leaving to Seoul?"

"In four days," Baekhyun says. He's dozed off and Junmyeon's question awoken him. He sneaks a glance on the screen; the movie is over. "Jongdae's party is on Friday, so I'll have a whole day to catch up with Minseok."

"I think I'll miss you," Junmyeon says, slightly pulling on Baekhyun's hair. "Are you staying at Minseok's place?"

"Stop being so cheesy," Baekhyun laughs, though he can't deny the wave of happiness and warmth spreading inside on Junmyeon's words. "Yeah, he offered to put me up for a few days. Do you want a postcard?"

"Being cheesy is an essential part of my personality," Junmyeon replies with a serious tone, even if he can't hold a smile crawling up on his lips. "Bring me something more useful than a postcard."

"But you can hang it over your bed." Baekhyun yawns. He's tired, despite waking up at noon. It's been a tough week at work and it's still taking its toll on him. "Besides, postcards are..."

"Do you want to stay the night?" Junmyeon asks, utterly out of the blue. Baekhyun can hear the uncertainty in his voice, because they've never done that before. It doesn't have to mean anything, but it's a change in their policy of baby steps. "Tomorrow is Sunday, so you don't have work and..."

"Don't remind me about this hell," Baekhyun groans. He, Sehun and Jongin didn't even have enough time for their usual coffee breaks and had to spend a week without the right amount of gossip. "I don't want my first night at your place to be filled with nightmares."

Junmyeon lends Baekhyun his sweatpants and a loose t-shirt with one of the minions printed on it. Baekhyun gives Junmyeon a _how old are you?_ look once he realizes what Junmyeon keeps in his closet, but doesn't dare to complain anymore. He's in no place to talk with his Spongebob swimming trunks and love for superheroes and besides, it's better than sleeping in his own, tight t-shirt he's made a mistake of wearing.

He unconsciously wanted to impress Junmyeon and dressed up, even though Junmyeon's already seen him in his worst. Junmyeon probably doesn't even care about Baekhyun's clothes; it's Baekhyun who's rather petty. Or just very observant, to put it nicely.

Baekhyun sleeps on the couch, despite Junmyeon insisting Baekhyun took his bed. He doesn't mind sleeping like that just for one night and Junmyeon's couch is comfortable enough to prevent one's neck and spine from aching in the morning. It isn't easy to talk Junmyeon into agreeing to this, but Baekhyun pulls some ridiculous arguments out and Junmyeon assumes there's no use to keep arguing as Baekhyun always has to have the last word.

Junmyeon is an early bird, much to Baekhyun's dismay, though Junmyeon manages to bribe him with pancakes and coffee for breakfast. Baekhyun yawns every few seconds, not bothering to cover his mouth and Junmyeon either doesn't mind or has already gotten used to it. He refuses to do anything productive and convinces Baekhyun to laze around and the arrival of the pizza they ordered for lunch turns out to be the most interesting event that day.

Baekhyun thinks Sunday hasn't dragged on like that for so long, but he wouldn't mind if it lasted a few hours longer.

"You should stay the night more often," Junmyeon says when Baekhyun's about to leave, putting his shoes on. "I'm always bored on the weekends."

"Why? You could always hang out with Sehun, Jongin and I. You're always welcome, you know that."

"I'm boring compared to you all," Junmyeon sighs. "I feel like I wasn't cut out for anything else but staying at work. It's really time consuming and I guess I'm particularly dedicated to it."

For some reason, Baekhyun finds Junmyeon the most attractive right now;  leaning against the doorframe, arms crossed on his chest and hair completely disheveled, single strands sticking out. It's nothing someone else would describe as tempting, nonetheless it truly pleases Baekhyun's eye.

"You might be boring, yes, but that's what we love about you," Baekhyun throws his jacket on his shoulders and pats Junmyeon's cheek, which makes Junmyeon wince. "Don't be silly. Let's meet before I leave to Seoul?"

"Okay," Junmyeon agrees. "See you."

Later, when Baekhyun gets home and starts packing for his trip, his thoughts wander around Junmyeon and how domestic their weekend has felt. It took Baekhyun a while to get used to living all by himself without a presence of another person nearby and now, as he's already accustomed to it, it should bother him to spend all the time with someone. It doesn’t; instead, Junmyeon's company always gives Baekhyun comfort and this time wasn't different at all.

Baekhyun decides he might accept Junmyeon's offer, but everything depends on how his confrontation with Kyungsoo turns out. He still has a few days left, but he already feels his nerves eating him alive.

 

 

 

"Look at yourself, Baekhyun, all grown up!"

"Shut up," Baekhyun groans, but leans into Minseok's touch anyway. He hasn't hugged his best friend in months; it feels like coming home after a long time spent away wandering. "Someone's been working out, huh."

"And someone is still lazy," Minseok says. He's carrying Baekhyun's suitcase for him, and Baekhyun realizes it's really been a while. "You put on weight, but you still look healthy. Junmyeon must be spoiling you."

 _Must be all the ice cream I eat with him_ , Baekhyun thinks. His metabolism has never been as great as he likes to think it is.

"I don't think he can cook." Baekhyun shrugs and takes a passenger seat in Minseok's car. He bought a new one two months earlier and it isn't hard to tell, considering how clean the interior is. Cleaner than usual, at least. "He made me pancakes for breakfast on Sunday and that's it."

"Have you moved in to his place?" Minseok asks as he pulls out into the road from the airport to the city.

"No, please." Baekhyun laughs. It's only late in the afternoon, but Baekhyun feels sleepy and exhausted after the flight. No one came to see him off, just like Baekhyun asked. "I would've told you and, besides, we aren't even together yet."

"Yet," Minseok hums. He turns on the radio and lets the music fill the spaces between their words with its meaningless lyrics and catchy melody. "Then when, Baekhyun? I know you're working on it, but... Junmyeon can't wait forever."

"Only a little bit more," Baekhyun replies. Minseok shouldn't bring such serious topics up a few minutes after they saw each other for the first time in over a half a year, but he lets it go. They shouldn't fight now, not when Baekhyun's in Seoul after such a long absence. "Once I've met Kyungsoo, I... I should know."

"He's changed a lot," Minseok says. "So have you. You're the same Baekhyun I know, but there's something different about you. Also... your accent."

"I hope I've at least matured." Baekhyun looks out the window, watching the cars pass by and tall, illuminated buildings turn into a blur as Minseok speeds up. "You didn’t expect my accent to stay the same, did you?"

"No." Minseok shakes his head. "It's just funny."

Minseok's apartment hasn't changed at all, every plant on the window sill and paintings hung on the wall in the same place as Baekhyun remembered them to be, and it brings a pleasant feeling of comfort and familiarity. It's one of the places he's always considered home, so he doesn't need to feel restrained once they enter the apartment. Minseok puts his suitcase in the guest bedroom and starts to brew some coffee while Baekhyun takes a shower and freshens up after the flight.

His friends asked him to text them as soon as he arrives and Baekhyun knows they're probably still worrying about his safety, so he decides to stop ignoring them any longer. It somehow slipped his mind to text them as he was too absorbed in thinking about Jongdae's party, seeing Minseok and having his first encounter with Kyungsoo and Chanyeol. He's never been good at it, so he just settles for _I'm alive_ sent to Jongin and Sehun. Such a text would do in Junmyeon's case too, but Baekhyun feels like it's too flippant to be sent to someone you're in love with. He comes up with a longer message, telling Junmyeon he's with Minseok, the flight was quite enjoyable and Seoul is as beautiful at night as it's always been.  It's not like he could do more than sneak a few glances at the city slowly getting covered in dark, as they mostly passed by the apartment buildings Baekhyun didn't recognize; he wouldn't have been able to distinguish them even if he hadn't left. It's nothing special, but even such a common and ordinary element plays a big role in a bigger image that is Seoul, Busan, or any other city.

"Nothing important happened since you left." Minseok says as he sips on his wine, sitting on the opposite end of the couch than Baekhyun. They ate some noodles for dinner. Minseok's never cooked well; he lives on decent cooking skills, just enough to survive. "Everything is getting bigger, time is passing by faster. Isn't it the same as it is everywhere?"

"I don't know." Baekhyun drinks slowly. For one, he doesn't like wine that much, but he also doesn't drink the way he used to anymore. He automatically recalls the last time he got drunk and cringes. "I feel like it's slower in Busan, I mean... My life is steadier? I don't mean it's boring, but..."

When Kyungsoo broke up with him, Baekhyun could feel the reality slip from his fingers whenever he tried to get hold of it. Now, in Busan, there's finally a solid surface to stand on. Even if he was about to fall, more than one person is always by his side to catch him before he hits the ground.

He can't tell Minseok about this.

"Okay, I get it," Minseok sighs. He closes his eyes and rubs his temple, wine glass caged in his hand. Baekhyun takes in everything; how Minseok's brows furrow and decorate his forehead with wrinkles, how his hair is wiry after all the styling. Even his friend's impressive muscles are included. "Sometimes... I thought it was crazy of you to leave to such a far city, but at the same time I knew it was something you'd do, so I wasn't even surprised. I envy you, though. Admitting it out loud is hard."

"Why?" Baekhyun asks. He has his suspicions, but it's shocking to hear Minseok say this. "Didn't you like stability last time we talked?"

"I did," Minseok confirms. "Look at you, though. Look how big progress you've made ever since you moved, how the edges of  your personality became smoother. And I? What can I say about myself?"

"You've gotten more handsome," Baekhyun replies. He knows it isn't the right time for jokes, but despite all the changes that occurred, he still takes everything with a bit of laughter. "You're definitely manlier than I remember. Those arms, man. How many hours a week do you spend at the gym?"

"More than you've spent in your whole life," Minseok snorts. "I had to... find something to fill in  the time with after you left."

"Was it selfish to run away like that?"

Baekhyun thought about Minseok too, about their friendship, back when taking a transfer was still in the consideration. They spent so much time together, not only at work but also in the evenings and at the weekends, doing various things, from watching movies on Baekhyun's couch to going on bike trips. And then, having moved, he was busy setting up a new life in Busan so he didn't have much time for getting sentimental over things, places and people he left behind, but Minseok...

"Unexpected, yes. Selfish, I don't know," Minseok says. It's difficult to judge and give the right answer without even knowing if it exists. "I'm going to sleep, okay? You know where everything is, so you can stay up if you want."

"I wanna sleep with you," Baekhyun blurts out as he stretches his arms above his head, looking straight at Minseok with a playful glimmer in his eyes.

"What are you, five?" Minseok replies with amusement, but the way he shakes his head tells Baekhyun he's won. "Okay, come. Just for tonight."

They last slept together in one bed in college. Baekhyun has always been clingy and Minseok's never minded, so Baekhyun took advantage of it as often as he could. Even when he started dating Kyungsoo, he'd often curl up by Minseok's side and sleep with him, insisting they share a blanket. It's comforting to feel his friend's arms around him again, warmth of their bodies pressed against each other bringing back good old days and safety they'd always craved. It wasn't the exact thing they wanted, but the closeness resembled the one lovers would share and Baekhyun was lucky to have just that. Minseok doesn't even take notice of Baekhyun's puppy sounds anymore and Baekhyun know he finds them cute, even though it'd be one of the last things in this world he'd ever admit.

Everything is familiar. Minseoks smell, his touch, the air between them as their sighs and steady breaths mix together before they fall asleep.

It's home. Right here, near Minseok, though it isn't a place to stay for long. His harbor is hundreds kilometers away.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Only the closest friends and coworkers are invited to Jongdae's birthday party. The restaurant is fairly fancy, to properly celebrate not only Jongdae getting older, but also his successful performances this year. Even if Jongdae has always liked privacy and simplicity, this time he's made a choice based on only one of the criteria. Minseok teases him a little, how the place is the opposite of Jongdae's favorite bar he always drops by at during the weekend. Baekhyun can't resist and joins the teasing, but it's nothing out of spite. They've known each other for so long it's easy to fall into the familiar patterns of conversations even after a while of not being in touch. That doesn't mean Baekhyun is completely at ease when it comes to encountering Jongdae, seeing how much he's changed and grown. But it's not his friend that is Baekhyun's main concern.

It's someone else. The other reason he traveled to Seoul.

"Has everyone arrived?" Baekhyun asks. They're standing in front of the restaurant; he, Jongdae with his girlfriend and Minseok, too. Jongdae met her in June, so Baekhyun didn't have a chance to talk to her before. "It's already pretty crowded."

"Not yet," Jongdae says. He has his arm encircled around his girlfriend's waist. She's wearing a navy blue dress that ends just above her knee, her shoulders and cleavage exposed. "It's surprising, out of all of people..."

Yes, the girl is pretty, though for Baekhyun her laughter could be a bit less obnoxious. He's loud himself, but she definitely beats him. Maybe Jongdae likes it, and who is Baekhyun to judge? Most people would probably find Junmyeon boring, and here is Baekhyun, nervously tapping his foot against the concrete as he looks around and tries to focus on the conversation instead of holding back from laughing at the lame jokes Junmyeon texted him earlier that day.

To help him relax, he said.

"Who's missing?" Minseok asks. He wraps his scarf tighter around his neck. It's pretty chilly in the evenings these days; the last signs of summer are disappearing one by one. Baekhyun hates autumn, and so does Minseok. "Let's go inside."

"We have to wait for Kyungsoo and Chanyeol. It's probably the traffic." Jongdae shrugs. "Chanyeol's apartment is in the suburbs, so..."

 _Right_. Baekhyun saw neither of them today. He had no idea how to get rid of the anxiety sticking to his skin since last night, and these two are probably the main source of the nerves tying his tongue when he speaks too much.

"I'd say it's just Chanyeol," Minseok laughs. He wraps his fingers around Baekhyun's wrist behind their backs and his thumb rubs soothing circles into Baekhyun's skin. Baekhyun appreciates the simple yet meaningful gesture; Minseok is here to comfort him, whatever happens. "Chanyeol is always late by at least fifteen minutes. Must be driving Kyungsoo crazy."

Baekhyun doesn't quite believe his ears. Kyungsoo considered a clock one of his best friends and always knew what time it was. Days planned meticulously passed one by one, as Kyungsoo took care of his schedule and never let even a minute go to waste.  Baekhyun was the opposite, still is, and Kyungsoo found it quite difficult to wrap his head around Baekhyun's ways of managing the time. They had to make it work, somehow, and Baekhyun learnt to get ready in time. They fought about other things, more serious than that, and it was enough.

"Chanyeol is good for Kyungsoo. Makes him... less strained," Jongdae says. His girlfriend only hums in agreement, but what does she even know? Baekhyun tries not to listen and control his temper, but Jongdae and Minseok casually discussing this topic makes him... He has no right to get upset about it, because he's moving on, right? "Look, they're here."

Everyone turns their heads to where the loud laughter comes from. Baekhyun immediately lays his eyes on Kyungsoo; Chanyeol shoves him to the side and then Kyungsoo hits his arm, trying to glare at his boyfriend but ending up laughing again. They look happy, practically glowing, and Baekhyun clenches his teeth to stop the sickness from spreading along his body. That's how people in love look like, but fortunately for Baekhyun, this phase lasts only around three years and then a routine kicks in. Most probably Kyungsoo and Chanyeol already have their own problems, went through at least one serious fight and...

No. It isn’t supposed to be like this.

"Usually you'd be the first guest, Kyungsoo," Jongdae smiles when Kyungsoo and Chanyeol finally approach them, both with flushed cheeks. One of Chanyeol's eyes twitch and Baekhyun snorts at the sight. Well. "I'm glad you came. You too, Chanyeol. Look who's with us tonight."

Baekhyun feels everyone's eyes on himself and forces a smile, tight and not reaching his eyes at all. Jongdae means well, because Baekhyun's arrival is one of the hot topics amongst the guests, but Baekhyun was hoping for at least a few minutes to get used to the presence of his ex boyfriend and his current sweetheart. It's too much of a luxury to ask for.

"Oh, so this is Baekhyun?" Chanyeol asks loudly and Kyungsoo nods, offering Baekhyun a soft smile. Baekhyun only looks at Kyungsoo and tries to wipe the murderous look off his face, but the smile he gives in return is close to caricature. "I've heard a lot about you."

"Um, so have I about you?" Baekhyun replies with confusion. Chanyeol is so painfully awkward, _this_ is awkward in general, and none of his friend bothers to save them from this tragedy. "I'm... Nice to meet you, I guess?"

"Yeah," Chanyeol scratches the back of his head. Baekhyun's already heard Chanyeol's voice in his videos, but they definitely don't do it justice. It's deeper, louder, and attractive. Baekhyun hardly admits it.

"Should we go inside?" Jongdae finally suggests and Baekhyun secretly sighs with relief. He can at least pretend this situation doesn't affect him. "It gets cold after a while of staying out."

Everyone silently agrees with Jongdae and they come back inside. Jongdae yells something to the guests to draw their attention and they reward him with laughter, a few people shouting their replies back. Jongdae gave everyone a free hand in choosing their seats; at first Baekhyun thought it was a good idea, as he planned to sit as far from Kyungsoo as possible, but his amazing idea backfires the moment he discovers there are only four free seats left and all are next to each other. Two on the one side of the table and the other two facing them. Baekhyun and Minseok sit in front of Kyungsoo and Chanyeol, having no choice that even Jongdae's apologetic look can't change. Baekhyun swears under his breath when his and Chanyeol's knees bump under the table, which Chanyeol comments with a short _sorry_ before he goes back to telling Kyungsoo something that is apparently particularly funny, judging from the way Kyungsoo bites his lower lip and stifles his laughter. He's giggling like a schoolgirl and it pisses Baekhyun off. Minseok places his hand on Baekhyun's knee to calm him down, and so Baekhyun does. A bit.

 _So this is the person who kicked him out from his place in Kyungsoo's heart_. It sounds dramatic and it's partially true, but Baekhyun suspects Kyungsoo was already pushing him out and detaching himself even before his affair with Chanyeol began. But maybe... Maybe it was for the better? If they'd continued hiding in the fragile shell that their relationship turned into, Baekhyun would've never moved on. He wouldn't have discovered so many things about himself, wouldn't have met Junmyeon; thinking about it makes his heart ache, because he realizes how much he could've lost and missed.

In the long run, Kyungsoo did him a favor, and it's so ridiculous Baekhyun starts laughing at himself.

"How are you doing, Baekhyun?" Kyungsoo asks him later, around midnight, when they stand in front of the restaurant to catch some fresh air. The party already reached its peak two hours ago and now everyone's casually enjoying themselves. "How's Busan? I heard you'd moved in spring."

"I'm fine, I think? Yes, I'm fine," Baekhyun replies, adding more firmness into his voice after a moment of hesitation. He's getting there and everyone sees it. The change is significant, as though Baekhyun took a few tons of negative emotions off his shoulders. "I like Busan so far. There's someone who's kind of my personal guide and my coworkers are nice. I can't really complain."

"I'm happy," Kyungsoo replies and looks at Baekhyun. Their gazes meet for the first time in a while and although Baekhyun's heart reacts to it with a pang of hurt, its strength isn't as big as Baekhyun would usually experience. Kyungsoo's eyes are still full of love, Baekhyun realizes, but it's different kind of affection Kyungsoo offers. "I'm... I'm sorry, Baekhyun. For everything I said back then. I was wondering if I should contact you, but I figured you should be the one to approach me when you're ready."

"I'm not sure if I'm ready," Baekhyun says. He still feels nervous and a bit uncomfortable, because he involuntarily recalls some of their memories together still as a couple. It will pass, just like the leaves fall of the trees and let the fresh, new ones grow in spring. "But I'm trying. I'm doing this for myself and... for someone else."

"Oh, that's _interesting_ ," Kyungsoo teases, checking if it's okay to act around Baekhyun the same way he used to when they were still dating. Baekhyun huffs, but he doesn't really mind the straightforwardness. "Busan is good for you. You've become really handsome."

"So do you regret dumping me now?" Baekhyun asks before he can bite his tongue and stop the words from leaving his mouth. Wrong move. There's no need for so much spite and bitterness; it's not what he's working on and he can't just lose control like that. "I didn't mean to. I'm sorry, huh, I'm just..."

"Don't worry about it." Kyungsoo smiles warmly and pats Baekhyun's shoulder. "You know you're still important and precious to me."

Kyungsoo's changed as well, so much it's hard to miss. He must've been working out as his shoulders become broader, no longer flaccid and weak, and the same praise can be said about his chest and thighs.

Everyone's taking care of their bodies, and Baekhyun? Baekhyun just eats more and more ice cream, but he can just blame Junmyeon for it.

"I know." Baekhyun nods. "One day I'll be able to say the same thing to you, but now it's still---"

"Baekhyun, I've been looking for you." Minseok walks out of the restaurant and interrupts the intimate moment between two past lovers, completely unaware of the situation. He's slightly drunk and it's a decent excuse. "Oh, you're with Kyungsoo. Chanyeol's been worried."

"I'm going to him," Kyungsoo says. "Thanks, Baekhyun."

Baekhyun doesn't say anything else and opts for a smile as his only response; it's sincere this time, almost deprived of sadness or pretense. Even though the beginning of the party was everything but nice, Baekhyun somehow managed to push his impulsive side and irrational thoughts aside and achieved mostly everything he's been aiming for. It isn't the point of thinking about Kyungsoo with nothing but the pleasant warmth brought by nostalgic reminiscence, but it's enough for now. Enough to let go, to keep moving forward towards the reason Baekhyun decided to change in the first place.

They take a cab home two hours later. Baekhyun drank only a little, but he doesn't want to risk Minseok tripping over something and lets him lean on his shoulder, his friend not really capable of walking by himself in his state. Baekhyun laughs it off; Minseok usually steers clear of getting drunk, but Jongdae wouldn't leave him alone and eventually talked Minseok into drinking with him basically all the time. Jongdae's girlfriend joined them too, so Baekhyun opted out of it and found himself a better thing to do for as long as she was around.

Baekhyun looks at his phone for the first time in hours when he's lying in Minseok's bed with his friend's arm thrown over his stomach, their legs tangled. Minseok doesn't really know what's happening around him, so Baekhyun decides to take advantage of it and sleep with him. Minseok keeps him warm and, to be honest, Baekhyun is particularly cuddly when he sleeps. Junmyeon sent Baekhyun a text around nine, asking if he's having fun and telling he misses him. It's short and outright, but Baekhyun notices Junmyeon's concern and that he really, really needs Baekhyun's company to fully enjoy green tea ice cream he's bought recently.  
They haven't seen each other for three days, but Baekhyun already misses Junmyeon, too. Maybe it's the fact there's a few hours of driving between them instead of barely fifteen minutes?

From: Junmyeon  
_Look, I even stayed up for you.  I went out with Jongin and Sehun tonight. They say you're a better gossip assistant than me and ask you to come back quickly for some juicy news._

Baekhyun chuckles, almost hearing Junmyeon sigh as he says the last sentence aloud and shakes his head. He types a reply and puts his phone away, both sounds and vibrations turned off. No interruption is needed on Saturday morning, let alone after a party.

Tonight, Baekhyun sleeps peacefully, Minseok's hugs and Junmyeon's voice in his dreams providing one of the best nights he's had in months.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Jongin picks Baekhyun up from the airport. Baekhyun doesn't know how he found out about the time of his arrival, but he suspects his coworkers of drawing Junmyeon out on Friday. Sehun is with him, too; for what reason, Baekhyun can only guess.

"We didn't want you to take a bus or something," Jongin says as he pulls out into the road. His car doesn't smell like flowers this time; it must've been Jongin's turn to choose car freshener. "I remember where you live, so you can tell us about the party as we drive."

"Why did Sehun tag along?" Baekhyun laughs. He closes his eyes and shuffles in his seat to find a comfortable position. He's tired and slightly hungover; Minseok bought their favorite soju for last night. How could Baekhyun have turned the offer down? "It was... I missed my friends. I didn't realize how much until I actually saw them."

"What about us?" Sehun accuses and Baekhyun see him glaring in the rearview window. "We forgot how it's like to spend our coffee breaks without you screeching right next to us."

"Funny." Baekhyun snorts. "You love my voice when I respond to your stories about our coworkers, their lives and who they're currently fucking."

"Your friends should visit you once," Jongin cuts the childish argument off. His fingers tap against the steering wheel; it's one of Baekhyun's habits as well, but it's annoying in certain situations, just like now. Baekhyun turns the radio on to mute the constant tapping. "You could introduce them to us and we'd go to the beach."

"It doesn't sound bad, honestly," Baekhyun says. He's only half listening to Jongin, more dedicated to typing a message to Minseok to tell him he's landed and is on his way home. "I'll think about it once Jongdae's broken up with his girlfriend. She isn't one of his best choices."

Both Sehun and Jongin laugh at Baekhyun's complaints and continue to ask questions about everything; how Minseok's like, what were they doing and how many times they got drunk during Baekhyun's stay. Baekhyun doesn't feed their curiosity with many details and settles for the most important things; his tongue doesn't seem to cooperate with him as forming words and voicing them out is quite difficult and sometimes he almost starts to slur. He tells them they'd talk at work on their usual coffee break and finally, there aren't any more questions asked. He hasn't reached his limit of speaking yet, but he's planning to call Junmyeon when he arrives and invite him over.

Junmyeon said it can wait, but Baekhyun thinks otherwise. It, _he_ , can't wait. He missed Junmyeon too much and all he wants is Junmyeon's embrace and cuddling session on his couch.

"Don't you want to take a nap first?" Junmyeon asks over the phone. His voice makes Baekhyun energetic, even though it's the usual - Junmyeon being worried despite Baekhyun insisting he's fine. "Jongin and Sehun must've thrown a ton of questions at you."

"You're my favorite pillow. Only you can make me rest properly."

"Oh really," Junmyeon sighs, but Baekhyun knows the most serious and convincing tone he's just used on Junmyeon has worked. "I'll be here soon. At least pay me back for my service with some coffee."

Baekhyun snorts and hangs up. He would ignore the last sentence if it was someone else, but for Junmyeon, he's willing to get up from the couch and make coffee for the two of them. He hopes Junmyeon will bring something to eat, because Baekhyun's fridge is almost empty and he isn't up for eating out tonight.

Tonight he only needs food and Junmyeon to be pleased.

 

 

 

 

 

 

"I missed you," is the first thing Junmyeon says when Baekhyun opens the door. He's holding a bag in his hand and Baekhyun suspects it's full of food, but Junmyeon starts crushing his ribs in a tight hug sooner than he's expected. "It hasn't even been a week, but..."

"Have you eaten your ice cream?" Baekhyun laughs, face buried in the crook of Junmyeon's neck. "Stop being so sappy, please."

Baekhyun doesn't mind it, because he'd be sappy himself if he didn't have any honor left in him. Junmyeon clearly doesn't.

"It's your fault," Junmyeon pokes Baekhyun's stomach before he lets go of him and shoves the bag into Baekhyun's arms. "I figured you'd be hungry. We just need to heat it up."

"I should've fallen for someone who can cook," Baekhyun says and sticks his tongue out when Junmyeon glares at him. He hasn't really brought them and their feelings up in a while, but now that he's talked with Kyungsoo, it's safe to take the next step. "I thought you'd cook a welcoming dinner for me. You said you missed me _so much_."

"Don't push it." Junmyeon warns, but it doesn't intimidate Baekhyun at all. He can see how amused Junmyeon is. "Go and rest. I'll take care of it."

Baekhyun wouldn't usually obey so quickly, but he wouldn't find any fun in teasing Junmyeon right now. He can do it later, once they're lying together on his couch and eating, trying not to choke on their food and laugh between the bites. He turns the TV on and fills in the time watching evening news. Most of the lights in the windows of apartment buildings are put on as they stand out in the darkness and break the consistence of the night. Baekhyun's apartment might not provide the breathtaking view of the city, but a small part of his neighborhood and the street seen from out the window are enough. He can always go to Junmyeon if he wants a  romantic scenery. His apartment is located way too high to Baekhyun's liking, but he sucks it up.

"How was meeting Kyungsoo?" Junmyeon asks an hour later, stroking Baekhyun's hair. Baekhyun laid his head on Junmyeon's lap as soon as they ate and found a romantic comedy to fill their conversation. "You didn't mention him even once."

"He's changed." Baekhyun doesn't really know what to say. Junmyeon can see he's fine and he doesn't need to be cheered up, so he should figure it out by himself. "I like you better though. He has too much muscle now."

"That's not an answer I'd expect," Junmyeon hums. Baekhyun hears all the noises Junmyeon's stomach is making and it's difficult not to laugh at it. He might be an adult, but... "But what about you and... You and him? Do you..."

"Not once did a thought of begging him to come back to me cross my mind," Baekhyun grabs Junmyeon's chin and forces him to look down, to meet Baekhyun's eyes and see it for himself. See Baekhyun isn't lying. "We aren't friends, but we might be. I'm okay and you play a big part in it."

"Okay." Junmyeon smiles and goes back to watching the movie. "I trust you."

Baekhyun tries to bribe Junmyeon to stay the night with a promise of cuddling with him all night, making him breakfast and giving him a lift to the bookstore, but it sounds too good to be true even for Junmyeon. He politely declines both offers - one about sleeping over and the other about Baekhyun driving him home. Baekhyun doesn't feel like driving at all, but it's the least he could do for Junmyeon tonight. Junmyeon is too stubborn, unusually so, and Baekhyun eventually lets him call for a cab. He might as well walk the distance between their apartment buildings, though Baekhyun probably wouldn't let him risk and wander around the area at night all by himself.

"What can I do to make you stay?" Baekhyun asks. He leans against the wall in the corridor and watches Junmyeon slip his shoes on. "I know you don't wanna go yet."

"You're right, I don't." Junmyeon puts his jacket on and turns to face Baekhyun, standing awfully close to him. Baekhyun's heart skips a beat; they're so close to each other and Junmyeon's about to leave. "But I have to. Another time, Baekhyun."

"Okay." Sounding so disappointed isn't Baekhyun's intention; he actually wants to mask it, but he must be too tired to play games.

"Hey, Baekhyun," Junmyeon says and Baekhyun looks up at him, snapped out from his thoughts of his own bed and pillow he's going to cuddle and pretend it's Junmyeon. He forgets about being sleepy the moment Junmyeon puts his hand on Baekhyun's waist, making Baekhyun a bit confused. It only takes a few seconds to find out what Junmyeon's up to as he leans even closer and kisses Baekhyun. Their kiss ends in a blink of an eye for it's a mere brush of their lips against each other, but it's enough to have Baekhyun's cheeks flushed and head spinning. "Goodnight."

"No, Junmyeon," Baekhyun breathes out, grasping the material of Junmyeon's jacket in his hand and pulling him closer. Junmyeon can't leave now and give Baekhyun a simple peck. "I'm not done with you."

Baekhyun expects Junmyeon to get flustered or, at least, back off, but Junmyeon only gives him a challenging look as he glances at Baekhyun's fingers and their tight grip. He likes challenges, likes competing, so he takes over the situation and properly kisses Junmyeon. He doesn't force himself on Junmyeon and, despite the tension between them, moves his lips fairly slowly. Junmyeon gently strokes Baekhyun's cheek and places his other arm around Baekhyun's waist, closing him in his embrace. Baekhyun never dares to take his gaze off Junmyeon's face and his closed eyes; he would laugh at how romantic it is if he wasn't afraid of scaring Junmyeon away and ruining the moment. They quickly forget about patience, though. It doesn't matter it's their first true kiss, either, as their desire turns out to have more power over them than they thought. Baekhyun licks along Junmyeon's bottom, chapped lip and slips his tongue in once Junmyeon parts his lips. They've just eaten and they both taste like spicy noodles, but they're adults and they don't expect kisses to be sweet like chocolate. Baekhyun lets out quiet gasps and whines every time Junmyeon sucks on his tongue. He's quite... vocal, also when he's kissing someone, so Junmyeon responds to it and draws a short moan from Baekhyun, the noise much louder than each one of his gasps. Perhaps it's the sound Junmyeon needs to realize it's about time they stopped.

It's not because their kiss started to get more and more needy and aggressive. Junmyeon has a cab waiting for him in front of Baekhyun's apartment building.

Baekhyun already misses Junmyeon; his soft lips, along with the taste of coffee and noodles, even though they've just broken their kiss.

"Now this is a proper goodnight," Baekhyun grins. He doesn't let go of Junmyeon's jacket yet and keeps him pressed to himself, looking straight into his eyes. "And good morning. And goodbye."

"And everything else," Junmyeon says with a smile, much smaller than Baekhyun's, but his eyes speak for him instead. He pecks Baekhyun's lips again before he takes Baekhyun's arms off himself and walks to the door. "I have to go."

"See you tomorrow," Baekhyun winks. "Your kisses are addicting, babe. Don't make me wait for too long."

"I'm leaving." Junmyeon sighs and shakes his head with disbelief. Baekhyun laughs and he's quite proud of himself, because he finds watching Junmyeon lose his patience like that very amusing.

"Text me when you're home." Baekhyun says out of habit. He stares at the door for at least a minute after Junmyeon closes it behind himself, thoughts clouding his mind.

The image of them kissing, of Junmyeon being close to him as he's never been before, is kept safely behind Baekhyun's eyelids when he finally goes to bed. Baekhyun closes his eyes and the first thing replaying in his mind is the sensation their kiss has brought, how easily he started to melt against Junmyeon. Unlike Junmyeon, he had no restraint and if Junmyeon hadn't stopped, Baekhyun probably would've turned them around and pinned Junmyeon against the wall, slipped his tongue into Junmyeon's mouth for more than few seconds and kept exploring the taste until they run out of breath. He wanted to kiss Junmyeon before, but there was never the right moment between them to leave the safe territory of friendship and enter the other one, much more dangerous and thrilling. They'll be stuck on the border of both until they talk the kiss over and decide if it's the right moment to become a couple, but Baekhyun puts the serious aspects and consequences aside. He can worry about them later, because now he gives in to the shivers given by the fresh memory he can't seem to push into the back of his mind. Baekhyun is sure it isn't only because it was their first kiss and he wasn't able to judge Junmyeon's kissing skills objectively.

He smiles to himself; to check if he's right, he will have to kiss Junmyeon again, again, and again, because there's nothing that could stop them anymore.

Nothing. Not even Baekhyun himself.

 

 

 

 

***

 

"Tell me about the list," Junmyeon asks one evening. He keeps running his fingers through Baekhyun's slightly damaged hair in a new, platinum shade of blond.

Baekhyun dyed his hair just recently on the spur of the moment. According to Junmyeon, he looks amazing, but he certainly didn't think the consequences through.

Maybe he should have.

"What list?" Baekhyun yawns out. He opens his eyes and raises his head up to glance at Junmyeon, though he doesn't see much in a weak light of the candles lit on the table and a movie on TV flashing in front of them.

"You know, that one list," Junmyeon says casually. They're lying on the couch in Junmyeon's apartment, snuggled close under a thick blanket. December is chilly this year. "Perfect Boyfriend list."

"Fuck, Junmyeon," Baekhyun groans and buries his face in Junmyeon's chest; he can feel his head bouncing as Junmyeon laughs at him. "No. I'm not telling you anything."

"Because of this list you were once debating if you should date me or not," Junmyeon reminds him. Baekhyun's surprised Junmyeon hasn't already forgotten about the detail brought up in their conversations once or twice. "So I think the question I asked is pretty important."

"Can't you just forget about it? Take Luna on a walk instead of asking stupid questions."

In the middle of October, Baekhyun convinced Junmyeon to get a dog and he took less than expected to buy a small, Siberian Husky puppy and bring it home. Junmyeon immediately became crazy over his new companion and wouldn't stop talking how cute she was; Baekhyun just wanted Junmyeon to occupy his mind with something that wasn't his bookstore (and himself) and the plan certainly worked.

Besides, Baekhyun loves puppies. That way he can just play with Luna when he visits Junmyeon without being responsible for her, though Luna still adores him as much as she does her owner. Maybe even more.

"We'll walk her later," Junmyeon waves it off. "Come on, Baekhyun. We've been together for a while so it isn't going to change anything. I'm just curious."

"Curious of what?" Baekhyun rolls his eyes. He's failed to change the topic, but he hasn't given up yet. "Oh, wait, I think there's a hole in my memory. I don't remember what was on that list anymore."

"Baekhyun." Junmyeon warns. "I spent way too much time wondering what the hell the list was, so can you just..."

"Fine." Baekhyun closes his eyes, quickly preparing himself for the speech. He hopes he won't say anything stupid to upset Junmyeon, so he has to filter his words and leave out the most risky parts. "I'll tell you."

Junmyeon hums with satisfaction and waits for Baekhyun to start. Baekhyun is reluctant to talk about the details, because it means he has to remind himself how stupid this list was. His excuses include desperation and naivety, but even being justified doesn't make him any less embarrassed. He's not up for elaborating on some absurd expectations he used to have, so he settles for vague description of the physical appearance. Recalling the list word for word isn't beyond his abilities, but it's better not to reveal everything.

"So, your ideal type is Sehun," Junmyeon assumes. "Or Jongin, physically wise."

"Yeah, you could say that," Baekhyun coughs. It makes him uneasy to talk about it with Junmyeon, with someone he's been dating for a few months now. It's painfully awkward to see Junmyeon lost in thoughts after his confession. "You already knew I was attracted to them, though."

"Are you still?"

Despite Baekhyun showing his affection to Junmyeon almost every day, it's obvious he's still insecure. They're still learning to trust each other and Baekhyun tries to not let Junmyeon down with any reckless move. He needs to be wary of everything, because his record of fucking things up is pretty long.

"I don't know what to say," Baekhyun admits sheepishly. He's nervous and he weighs his words; he knows Junmyeon wouldn't believe him if he said no, but he needs much more time to give a decent answer. "Of course they're handsome, but... They aren't you. You're above the scale and comparing anyone to you is..."

"Okay, Baekhyun. I know," Junmyeon says softly. He's scratching the back of Baekhyun's neck, but it's so gentle Baekhyun barely takes notice of the sensation. "At least you're honest. Now, get up. We have to take Luna for a walk."

Baekhyun sits up begrudgingly and lets Junmyeon out of his tight embrace, missing the warmth as soon as they part. Luna has been lying next to the couch the whole time and her ears perk up when she sees her owner kneeling in front of her with a leash in his hand. Baekhyun chuckles at the puppy's enthusiasm and the way she wags her tail, watching them dress up in their winter jackets.

He doesn't feel like leaving the cozy apartment at all, but the sight of Junmyeon and Luna running around the park and Junmyeon's smile when he's chasing her is worth everything.

It's cold outside, colder than it was when Baekhyun picked Junmyeon up from the bookstore and drove to his apartment. He's been giving Junmyeon free rides for at least a month now, but he doesn't mind doing extra kilometers if he gets to cuddle with Junmyeon for the rest of the evening. The hardest part is when Baekhyun has to leave to his own apartment, too quiet even with a TV turned on. They've slept over at each other's places many times, but they found out it's very tempting to stay in bed and continue cuddling, even though they know they both have their jobs and responsibilities they can't neglect. Sehun and Jongin often tease Baekhyun when he shows up at work late, morning rush apparent on his appearance. He doesn't have to tell them he spent the night with Junmyeon, they just know. Baekhyun spills everything out whenever they ask him about his relationship, so he has no one but himself to blame for being constantly made fun of.

"Is everything okay, Baekhyun?" Junmyeon calls. He's trying to catch his breath after playing with Luna. He's become more energetic since he started looking after her. "You seem a bit absent."

"No, I'm fine." Baekhyun smiles. Instead of running after the excited puppy, he decided to sit on the bench and watch Junmyeon's fruitless attempts at catching up with her. "I was just thinking and watching you two, that's all."

"You should join us," Junmyeon says enthusiastically. He laughs at Luna once he sees her trying to jump on Baekhyun's lap. She's barking, but it's cute rather than intimidating. She's still a baby, after all. "You wouldn't be cold anymore. I've seen you shivering."

"I didn't realize." Baekhyun shrugs. He pets Luna's head, but it's not enough to satisfy her and she shows her disappointment by nudging Baekhyun's leg. "Okay, I'll move. I hate you both."

"You don't," Junmyeon laughs as he grabs Baekhyun's hand and drags him along, Luna running next to them. "You love us, just admit it."

Junmyeon is right. Baekhyun does love them and every second they spend together, but most importantly, he loves Junmyeon. He might not be what Baekhyun wanted his next boyfriend to be and he barely fits Baekhyun's list, but all the mostly ridiculous conditions stopped being relevant the moment Baekhyun realized how beautiful and amazing Junmyeon is. He has his flaws, just like Baekhyun does, but they've learnt to accept them and work on themselves to make their relationship better.

Junmyeon is more than Baekhyun could've wished for; more than some imaginary ideal that probably doesn't even exist and would prevent him from accepting the happiness life is giving him.

He's just Junmyeon, _his_ Junmyeon, and Baekhyun is perfectly content with that.


End file.
